Hollywood shows us a family dealing with Aspergers on Parenthood

Tuesday night I got to watch NBC’s Parenthood, based on the Ron Howard film of the same name. With a cast of wonderful actors the show examines the intertwined lives of of one family and airs on Tuesday nights at 10pm. In last night’s episode one of the adult siblings learns that his son Max has Aspergers Syndrome. While the show will not give you any new information on the disorder it is a wonderful window into how the boy’s behavior affects his family. His older sister seems a bit jealous of all the attention he gets, yet she is the one who knows how to best manage him. His father wrestles to understand that this is a permanent condition and that he can’t just be “cured.” His mother seems to be preparing for what she knows will be a long, hard road. His uncle uses it as an excuse to juggle girlfriends.

The episode mentions some treatment options and therapies when the overwhelmed parents visit another couple with an Aspergers child and pokes fun at how hard it can be to get in to see some specialists. To watch the episode go here. Next week’s episode will feature some of the issues Max has with school.

Kid-Safe Your Backyard

The warmer weather is coming, and you’ll soon be preparing to transform your backyard into a summer playground. To keep the kids safe, follow these childproofing guidelines to cut back on the hidden hazards in your backyard and to make your summer play zone a safe place to be.

• Carefully inspect your playground equipment. According to the National Program for Playground Safety over 200,000 children per year are injured on playgrounds. Since most of these injuries are a result of falls, be sure that you have a proper shock absorbing surface underneath your play set. 12 inches of sand, mulch or rubber matting will offer your kids the best protection. You’ll also want to be sure that your play set is properly anchored to the ground, that surfaces are smooth, that protruding bolts are repaired and that all “S” shaped hooks are fully closed. Check your slide for any sharp edges and be sure that there is a clear exit area for sliders.
• Think twice about trampolines. If the nearly 250,000 trampoline injuries reported each year (according to the American Association of Orthopedic Surgeons) has not convinced you to steer clear of this backyard accessory, if you opt to purchase a trampoline for your kids, be sure it is a spring-less model that has a full safety enclosure. Since a majority of trampoline injuries occur from children colliding with other jumpers, it’s vitally important to continuously supervise your kids at play.
• Sandbox safety. If your sandbox is built directly on the ground, be sure to line it with landscape fabric to prevent weeds from growing up and to facilitate water drainage. You’ll also want to fill your sandbox with “sandbox sand.” Sold at home improvement stores, sandbox sand is smoother and cleaner than regular sand. You’ll also need to invest in a cover to keep pets and rodents (and their droppings!) out. Place a 5 gallon bucket upside down in your sandbox and properly secure a plastic tarp onto the sandbox. The bucket will prevent water from pooling on the top of the tarp which can be a safety issue for your kids and a breeding ground for bugs.
• Landscape Supplies and Equipment. Your kids are naturally curious and won’t hesitate to explore. Be sure all power equipment and lawn treatment products are stored and secured in a locked shed.
• Decks. Be sure to measure the space between the railing slots on your deck. If they are wide enough for your kids to trap a limb, utilize safety netting. You’ll also want to be sure a hard mounted gate is attached to the top and bottom of the stairs.
• Pools. Be sure your pool is properly barricaded. Install a fence that is at least 4 feet tall and be sure that there are no weak areas that your kids can squeeze through. Be sure the gate has a self-locking mechanism that your kids can’t open. You may also want to invest in a gate or pool alarm that will alert you if the gate has been opened or if someone falls into the pool. Remove steps and ladders when the pool isn’t in use (and keep step stools and ladders away from all fences). Never leave the cover halfway on your pool, as your child could swim under and become stuck. If your patio door leads directly to the pool, lock and alarm it. Inflatable pools should be drained, deflated and stored and secured when not in use.
• Check fences. Check your fence for loose hardware, splinters and missing slats. Be sure pickets are less than 5 inches apart and that there are no sharp edges for your kids to get caught on.
• Outdoor furniture. Be sure your outdoor seating is sturdy and safe. Secure garden swings properly to the ground and check to ensure cushions are securely fastened to seating.
• Koi Ponds. Fish ponds pose a special backyard hazard for children as their shallow depth can give parents, children and caregivers a false sense of security. Be sure pools of water of any depth are properly barricaded to prevent unauthorized access.
• Outdoor Outlets. Replace outdoor outlets with childproof outlets that your kids can’t open.
• BBQ’s and Grills. When not in use, store and secure grilling equipment. Propane tanks, matches, lighter fluid and sharp cooking utensils should all be inaccessible to your kids. When in use, never leave the cooking area unsupervised and be sure that the unit it cooled completely before storing away.
• Clothing. Require your kids to wear proper footwear and snug fit clothing when playing outdoors. Avoid articles of clothing with drawstrings or accessories that can easily become caught on play equipment.
• Establish Clear Boundaries and Rules. Having a list of backyard rules can help guide your kids in safe play. Establish any areas that are off limits, rules for riders on slides, trampolines and other play toys and safety guidelines for using play equipment.

While childproofing your backyard can help eliminate common safety hazards and create a safer environment for your children to play in, even the best safety measures do not substitute for parental supervision.

Be a Parent and Not a Referee: Simple Tips to End the Fighting

It’s the soundtrack to parenthood: the battles, the bickering, the rivalries. Mom- she’s touching me! He’s looking out my window! Tell her to get out of my room! Even on the best of days these sibling squabbles can make you want to pull your hair out. Add in busy schedules and mounting stress and coming home to conflict and contention can just be too much to handle. So what can you do when your living room more closely resembles a war zone rather than the relaxing retreat that it should be?

Though you can’t force your siblings to be best friends, you can get a handle on their squabbles and create a (relatively) harmonious home.

As you probably know already, just saying ‘You kids stop your fighting!’ isn’t going to cut it. Kids respond to firm boundaries and clear cut directives. So what you have to do is lay out some non-negotiable rules and enforce them…period.

There are four simple house rules that will result in a (temporary, at least) cease-fire on all the fighting. The key to successful implementation: consistency, consistency, consistency! (Did I say consistency?)

No yelling. Instate a ‘vow of yellibacy’ in your house and enforce it. When tempers flare and feelings are hurt, the volume decimal tends to rise, causing arguments to quickly escalate and get out of hand. Just remember: the ‘no yelling’ rule isn’t only for the kids, it goes for you too. Parents have to set the example for staying calm and collected when they are upset or angry as well. This should be rule number one. All family members must use calm voices only—no yelling allowed. And if talks get heated, anyone can make a time-out hand sign hinting that he needs to cool down. When cooler heads prevail, arguments get resolved much more quickly and in a way that is less stressful for everyone.

No taking without asking. Property ownership can be a BIG deal to little ones, and the time honored “Mooom, she’s touching my stuff!” complaint can be frequent in multi-child households. This can be a particularly touchy issue for tweens and teens- especially if there is a younger sibling in the house. Older siblings can get pretty upset when their iPods and laptops are confiscated by tiny sticky (literally!) fingers. Insist that permission of the owner must be granted before borrowing, using, or taking any property. Not only will this cut down on the conflict, but it will also make it easier to resolve any arguments that may come up. If permission was not asked for and granted, then you know who broke the rule. Simple as that.

No hurtful behaviors. With bullies and mean girls running the schools, it’s important that you set the standard for you home to be a safe haven for your kids. It should be a place free from hurtful behaviors. Set a strict policy: name-calling and hitting will not be tolerated, under and circumstances and they will result in a consequence. Tolerating hurtful behavior inside your home only encourages your kids to display it when you aren’t around as well- and that’s not a character trait any parent wants to encourage. This rule should stand for each child in your home, no matter what age they are. The consequences may differ according to the age group: for a younger child, a display of hurtful behavior will result in a time-out. If your child is older, then it means the loss of a privilege. While hitting and hurtful words are sure to happen when it comes to siblings, it’s up to you to make them understand that you will not tolerate it under any circumstance.

No involvement without evidence. If you are the parent of siblings, you’ve probably also spent a good deal of time playing referee. Kids are quick to run to a parent’s aid to help settle their disagreements and if you weren’t a witness to the incident itself, then it can be hard to know exactly what to do. Borba says you should get involved in the conflict only if you actually saw or heard it occur. This will help to keep you neutral and will encourage your kids to adopt strategies to help them work things out for themselves. If your kids seek your help, but you don’t have any evidence, then step away. Instead, suggest that they use Rock, Paper, Scissors to work out their problem. This prevents you from having to choose sides or take one kid’s word over another’s—and it will also teach them to work things out for themselves. After all, you won’t always be there to help them resolve their problems, so it’s better that they acquire the skills at home so they are ready when the time comes.

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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research . The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has recently been released and is now available at amazon.com

Simple Tips to Prevent Childhood Obesity

I am always skeptical of easy fixes.

If a diet or a product or a book claims that they will have astounding results with little pain, my first instinct is to run in the other direction.

However, a study that will be published in March in the journal Pediatrics looks at risk factors for obesity and has three simple bits of advice that I think are worth following.

1. Eat with your family.
2. Decrease TV time.
3. Get more sleep.

Simple, right?

But are these recommendations really so simple? If so, why aren’t we all doing them?

Our lives are busy and some families do have difficulty intergrating consistent mealtimes during a week filled with work and kids activities. Parents allow their children to watch a lot of TV and playing video games and spend hours on the computer for a variety of reasons, including their children’s insistence and their fatigue at fighting and limit setting. And bedtimes creep later when kids fight and scream and yell and refuse to go to bed, and parents just don’t have the energy to fight it.

But making little steps towards these goals can really be a game changer for your family, and for your kids health now and in the future. According to one of the authors of the Pediatrics study, children who practiced all three of these behaviors had a 40% lower risk of obesity than those who did not.

So try it.  This week…

…Eat one more meal with your family than you usually do.

…Make some rules for kids about “screen time”. And enforce them. Every time.

…And put your kids to bed earlier: maybe start 15 minutes earlier, and go from there.

…And while you’re at it, put yourself to bed a little earlier too.   Sweet dreams….

Tips for parents:

To keep your family healthy and decrease your risk of obesity:

• Eat family meals together more than five times a week.
• Limit your children to no more than 1 hour of screen time on weekdays, and less than 2 hours on weekends.
• Aim for 10 1/2 hours of sleep for young and school-aged children.