Keifer Sutherland as a Special Needs Parent in Touch

Touch is a new series on the Fox Network starring Keifer Sutherland as the widower father of a special needs child. His eleven-year-old son doesn’t speak and doesn’t like to be touched, but he can see patterns in the world and in the ways people are meant to connect. The show focuses on seemingly random coincidences, which are not random but actually part of a complex Fibonacci pattern. Some of the coincidences are plausible, while others seem completely contrived. While I am not qualified to review the mathematical or spiritual concepts introduced in the show, I am qualified to report on how the show presents the issues faced by a special needs parent.

Keifer Sutherland shows us once again that he is an amazing actor, jumping between paternal devotion, grief, hopelessness, cynicism, determination and affection. Watch his face as he looks at some typical children in a school bus, then glances to his own distant son. He tells us so much about his character’s struggle in a scene with no dialogue. We hear through a child services caseworker how he has had to sacrifice his once-successful career and is now jumping from job to job. It’s no wonder he isn’t fired from his current job when the police and fire crews call him three days in a row to come and talk his son off a cell phone tower. His son has gone from school to school, doctor to doctor, and you can see the emotional and physical toll it is taking on his character, even though he has the financial means to provide for his son. He seems close to giving up, yet he still holds on to hope and finds the energy to act on that hope. He also still loves his child, longing to hug him yet respecting his son’s preferences and tirelessly trying to find ways to connect with him.

Fox showed a preview of the first episode but the show officially premieres on Thursday, March 15, 2012. It will be interesting to see how the series treats the characters in future episodes, and how Keifer Sutherland portrays the struggles his character will face.

Does your school participate? HealthierUS School Challenge

When I was working on a recent television interview in which I discussed school lunch, I was prompted to check on the progress of my daughter’s school lunches this year. I was pleased to find out that her school district has taken on the HealthierUS School Challenge!

What is the HealthierUS School Challenge?

The HealthierUS School Challenge is a government-to-school encourager to voluntarily make school environments healthier. The participation rate started skyrocketing when First Lady Michelle Obama added incentives to schools that took part. The result is that more and more schools are cleaning up their kitchens – reducing fat, calories and sugar and adding more nutrient-rich foods in their place – for the sake of our growing children.

HealthierUS Food Guidelines

The initiative as a whole includes good nutrition and physical activity. Here is a brief rundown of what your child will be exposed to when he/she eats the school lunch:

• A different vegetable each day of the week
• Dark green or orange vegetables 3 or more days each week
• Dry beans and/or peas 1 or more days each week
• A different fruit each day of the week
• At least a serving of whole grains 3 or more days each week
• Only low-fat and fat-free milk each day

In addition to the foods that must be included, the schools must also:

Teach nutrition education to the children

Incorporate the teaching into the classrooms

Use multiple channels of communication including the cafeteria, classroom and home

I don’t know about you, but I see this as a big improvement. Hannah’s school is teaching them MyPlate, the new USDA food icon, so they can make their own decision to fuel up with great food choices. Educating, Exposing and Empowering are 3 of my keys to long-term proper nutrition. It starts in childhood! Talk to your children about the food choices they make and empower them to eat the super power foods that will help them make good grades and do better at their extra curricular activities.

Does your school participate in the HealthierUS School Challenge? Find out here. If this is their first year to participate, you may want to contact your child’s foodservice manager and ask them. If they are not currently participating, encourage them to do so! For more information on the HealthierUS School Challenge, go to: http://www.fns.usda.gov/tn/HealthierUS/vision.html.

When Private Goes Public: Social Networking and Suicide

“Jumping off the gw bridge sorry,” Tyler Clementi, age 18, posted on his Facebook status on September 22, 2010.

And then he did just that. A desperate act fueled by humiliation, Clementi committed suicide after his Rutgers University roommate secretly recorded a private sexual encounter between him and another male, only to then post it to YouTube.

In the Phoebe Prince case, the 15-year-old hanged herself on January 10, 2010, after enduring months of bullying from fellow students. Prince felt that killing herself was the only escape from teen tormentors who attacked her in the hallways and taunted her through texts and public online spaces, like Facebook.

We’re all familiar with tales of social networking sites (SNSs), along with other new media platforms, casting a dark shadow over events leading up to a victim’s suicide. Frequently the issues revolve around private encounters, moments and words that spread like wildfire once they’ve been introduced to the digital stage – often without the target’s consent.

With the 21st century ingenue Cyberbullying playing the lead role in each one of those dramas, we rarely hear examples of how social networking promotes a healthy mental state and even prevents suicide in some instances.

Although the media continually make the connection, there is no conclusive evidence that cyberbullying causes suicide.

First, we do youth a disservice by perpetually drawing a straight line between the two concepts of online harassment and self-murder. Continuing to make that association falsely communicates the message that there is no alternative escape from cyberbullying other than ending one’s life, which can result in children making that fatal decision.

Second, adults need to remember that youth connect emotionally and define relationships through their digital devices and Web platforms. They acutely feel both rejection and connection via digital media.

According to a recent International Center for Media and the Public Agenda (ICMPA) study, “students around the world reported that being tethered to digital technology 24-7 is not just a habit, it is essential to the way they construct and manage their friendships and social lives.”

Finally, it’s crucial that we understand both the positive and negative sides of social media, thereby putting cyberbullying into context and appreciating its place amidst all the benefits and opportunities that arise from digital connections.

To further the point, a growing body of research from the Australia-based Co-operative Research Centre for Young People, Technology and Wellbeing (YAW-CRC) supports the idea that SNSs have a much more positive effect on relationships and mental well-being than most of us may be aware.

According to the YAW-CRC’s The Benefit of Social Networking Services report:

“There is a demonstrated positive relationship between young people’s use of social networking services and self-esteem. … It is also argued that a sense of community and belonging has the potential to promote young people’s resilience, giving them the ability to successfully adapt to change and stressful events. … Overall, it appears that the social connections developed and fostered through SNS play an important role in promoting young people’s well-being.

Although cyberbullying represents the seamier side of social networking, it’s greatly outweighed by the support systems that youth develop online.

Too frequently it’s said that friendships in virtual communities do not carry the same lasting loyalty and profound connectivity that real-world relationships hold. Statements like those diminish the value that young ones place on their online relationships and in the end miss the importance of social networking in fostering a sense of self-worth and belonging on this Earth.

Things to Remember

Marginalized children and teens need to hear from trusted sources that their lives are not over if they experience digital persecution from peers. And parents, mentors and teachers should refer to resources (e.g., the Cyberbullying Research Center) to better understand social media’s place in self-esteem development.

If you are concerned for yourself or a child who is being harassed online, intervention programs make all of the difference. For more information, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) What a Difference a Friend Makes website.

Fun water safety games! Survival skills for your child

Swimming lessons are a tradition for many families – once children get to be school age. But don’t wait so long to introduce your children to the water, and don’t think that swimming lessons is the same thing as teaching children to be safe around the water. The American Academy of Pediatricians recommends that children start in swimming lessons from the age of one. Why? Because drowning is the leading cause of death for children ages 1-4 globally. That is terrifying to most parents and many instinctively react by trying to keep their kids away from water until they are older, but the opposite approach will keep your child safer – for their whole life.

Think about it – babies are in water in the womb for their first 9 months. Water is naturally soothing. Do you remember your baby’s expression when they had their first bath? Quizzical at first and then a bit alarmed when they hit the water and it splashed, but then pure joy. Bath-time becomes a treasured ritual. Your baby loves the feeling of your arm around them and your close attention. And, water truly does soothe the savage beast – it’s calming. Children naturally gravitate towards water because it is soothing – and fun, and the source of great joy.

There are a number of water safety things that you can do with your child whenever you are near water, starting in infancy and adding as they get older – and remember, all of these ‘games’ are also fun for children, so it’s a positive experience for both of you.

Bath safety: Start by being positive with your baby in the bath. Toys, songs, allowing them to splash are all important ways of making your baby comfortable in and around water which will lessen their fear later on. It’s especially good for your baby to gradually get used to having water poured over their face – it’s the first step to putting their face in and blowing bubbles. Splashing may make a mess but it also lets a baby control water getting in their face. Talk to your baby, tell them you will always be near them when they are in water – and then do it – never leave your child alone in the tub.

Stories: Use a book like ‘Jabari Makes A Splash’ to teach your child ‘never go near water without a grownup’. You can order the book at Amazon and there are free coloring sheets at the web-site to remind kids of the lessons. Think about hanging up a favorite drawing in the bathroom to remind everyone that a grownup needs to be nearby whenever children are in the tub.

Humpty Dumpty: Start playing ‘Humpty Dumpty’ as soon as your child can sit up. Your child sits on the side of the pool while you hold them, you sing ‘Humpty Dumpty’ and when Humpty does a big fall you help your child ‘fall’ forward and then say ‘turn around and hold on!’ Their head doesn’t go under water and at first they probably can’t even grasp the side, so just put their clenched fist on the side of the pool. But over time you graduate to having their head go under and eventually letting go of them, but always, ‘turn around and hold on’.

Monkey Hands: When your child has the physical coordination, have them hold on to the side of the pool with both hands, with feet against the wall and ‘walk’ their hands around the pool. At first they may only be able to go a couple of feet – to the ladder or steps, but over time they’ll want to try going around the whole pool and then pulling themselves out on the side – no ladder or steps!

For Older Kids: Once they get a bit older and have mastered Humpty Dumpty and Monkey Hands, hold your child’s hand and have them push down to touch the bottom of the pool where the pool slopes. Again, it will help them internalize the correct reaction if they fall in – ‘oh yes, I just push up from the bottom and grab the side’. You are teaching them to just react correctly to save themselves.

Then move on to jumping in the deep end and swimming the length of the pool, diving for rings, and ‘coral reef dives’ – swimming between your legs without touching the coral (your legs) or the coral will scrape them. Whatever fun games you can devise that will get your kids comfortable with being in the water and out of their depth will help keep your kids safer.

The idea with all these water safety games is the same – give the child confidence, let them learn their limits in the water gradually, and most importantly, teach them what to do if they ever do fall in the water unexpectedly. You are teaching them to rescue themselves, or at worst, not panic for at least a crucial minute or two until you notice they are missing. And be prepared for each child to progress at a radically different rate. My son was diving and swimming competently at four, my daughter didn’t really connect until seven – but they both love water and understand safety and their own limitations.

Water will be around your child their whole life, and it is a source of great joy and health – help your child to enjoy the water safely!

How to Talk To Your Kids About…A New Baby

Bringing home a new baby fills a house with joy and wonder. It can also bring worry and stress to older siblings who feel their world has just been turned upside down. A sense of jealousy, resentment, and even a little anger is normal. Siblings fear there won’t be enough love, or time to go around.

As parents, there are things we can say and do to help ease the transition.

Talk about what WON’T change once the new baby arrives and emphasis all the things that will be the same. This includes:

• Keeping a similar routine – Talk to your kids about their favorite parts of the day, and make sure you keep those consistent.
• Avoiding making big changes like toilet training, graduating from the crib, or changing rooms. Work through these transitions a few months before baby arrives, or a few months after.
• Keeping life predictable - Remember, predictability brings a sense of security that is really important to children, so keep things predictable and consistent.

Talk about the new “big sibling role”. Be sure your conversations are realistic. Getting your kids excited about the things the baby can’t do until he/she is four will create false hopes.

Involve older siblings in making meaningful decisions, before and after the baby arrives and let them help with the new baby. Make sure that one-on-one time is still spent with each child. Make it a point to have individual conversations and experiences with each of your children. This will help them feel special and loved and let them know that the new baby has not taken their spot in the family.

A fun way to help older siblings make the new baby transition: we give each of our children a disposable camera and ask them to be the photographers. They feel important and have fun taking pictures at the hospital and once we get home. It is so fun to get the pictures developed. Some of our very best photos have come from our kids.

What’s worked the best for your family??