Learning From My Special Child

Raising a child with special needs takes a lot of patience. Before my son was born, I didn’t have much patience. I had a hair trigger temper and was intolerant to people that didn’t learn as quickly as I did. My son taught me a lot. After he was born, I discovered that I was living in a very narrow minded world.

In time, he taught me how to be patient. He taught me how to keep my temper in check. I also learned that things that I thought of as important, weren’t. I discovered life through his eyes. My son has a unique way of learning, and he learns at his own pace. I discovered different methods of teaching and discovered that his pace in learning was just fine. It made his accomplishments all the more amazing. When he first walked independently out of one room and towards me, I cried. He was two and a half.

As his mom, I wish things were not so hard for him. I wish he didn’t have all the challenges he has to face everyday. As his mom, I accept him for who he is and do my best to teach him the things he needs to know. He is even more stubborn than I am. This leads to both of us getting frustrated with each other. I’ve learned to take a step back during these times. Instead of forcing him to learn something he is not ready to, I plan activities that he loves to do.

I’ve learned that it is important that my son feel like a normal child. To me, he is. He just requires extra help. He is a ten year old, nonverbal autistic child. The important part of that description is child. As he gets older, he accomplishes things that no one thought he would. I credit this to his amazing intelligence and to the love and trust we have with each other. He will learn things from me that he wasn’t able to learn from anyone else.

Because of my son, I am able to help others. I take the Type A part of my personality and put it into my writing and my online blog. I do the best that I can to share information with others that will be helpful. I also do volunteer work for non profit organizations that work with children. When my children are home, I am their mom. I am not perfect, but I am able to love them and teach them with patience and understanding. Along with my husband, we plan family activities that we all will enjoy.

If you have just discovered that your child has a special need, take a deep breath. You may be wondering if you are up to raising this special child. Take a step back and remember that this is the same child that you loved before the diagnosis. It takes time to adjust to what you need to do to help your child. The important thing to remember is that the two of you are mother and child. Do what needs to be done to help your child, but always remember to take time to express your love. The most important lesson that I have learned from my son is that just being together, taking time to do something he loves, is the most special gift that I can give both of us.

Schooling My Autistic Child

My son started school at the age of three. He attended a special needs public school in a small town. It was scary for me. I cried off and on all day, worrying about him and hoping he didn’t think that I abandoned him. At the time, I didn’t know if he understood what was going on around him. He was nonverbal, and still is. The difference between now and then, I now know he can understand me and he can use an augmentative communication device to communicate his thoughts.

My worrying was for nothing. He had a great time. In the next three years, I new he was in a safe environment. My only concern was that we were not seeing much progress in his developmental skills. He wasn’t demonstrating any understanding of the basic concepts like shapes, numbers, or colors. My husband and I decided it was time for a change.

We moved to a bigger city that was close by. I had researched the schools and thought that they would be better for my son. The teachers had more training and there were dedicated autism classrooms. After the move, it was one battle after another. At first, the new school system did not want to recognize my son’s diagnosis. Instead, they wanted to place him in a special needs classroom in a school that I wasn’t sure would be a good fit.

I went to the school and enrolled him. My daughter was two years old and was a climber. She would climb up onto the couch where I was sitting and filling out paperwork. The principal would come out and tell her to get down, and say that you don’t stand on furniture at school. This really irritated me, because I was right there and my daughter was only two years old. I let it go. I met with my son’s teacher and got a bad feeling. She didn’t know anything about autism and didn’t know anything about working with a nonverbal child. Again, I let it go and prepared for the first day of school.

I took my son to school on the first day and he fell down in the parking lot. His knee was bleeding really bad. I took him inside and looked for help. The principal was the first person to ask me if I needed anything. I asked for help getting my son’s knee cleaned up. She said all they had was soap and water. I was mad. Soap and water for a really bad scrape that needed a disinfectant. I understood that they could not administer anything else without parental permission, but I was right there. I could have done it. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I told her that there was no way my son was attending this school and left.

After a week of talking with the school board, my son’s diagnosis of autism was accepted and a placement was found at a different school with a dedicated autism classroom. This time, I met with both the new school’s principal and the teacher that my son would be assigned to. I also brought my son and daughter with me. I was happy with the way we were treated. I was put at ease with the exchange of questions and answers. I was satisfied that my son would be safe there.

Unfortunately, a year and a half later, my son was still not showing any progress. I knew that the key to any progress would be finding a way for my son to communicate. Frustrated with status quo, I finally took him out of school and began home schooling him. It was the best decision I ever made. He made a great deal of progress. We found a way for him to communicate and discovered that he had learned a great deal that no one was aware he was learning. I home schooled my son for a year and a half before he convinced me to let him go back to public school.

At that point, we had moved back to the small town we lived in previously. I made arrangements for him to attend the special needs public school he had previously attended. I could tell that the staff didn’t really believe that my son could do and knew the things he did. I knew the key would be whether or not my son would communicate with them and demonstrate his ability and knowledge. I made sure he understood that if he didn’t, I would have to pull him back out and resume home schooling. My son didn’t want this. Within a week, he was communicating with the staff and they were believers.

Everyday is still a struggle. My son made some progress the first year back in a public school, but I know he can do better. He has just started his second year and his teacher and I are going to work closely to ensure my son can reach his full potential. In the last seven years, I have learned a lot about how to work with the public school system to help my son. I have learned that the right staff working with my son makes the biggest difference. It doesn’t matter how many hours of OT or Speech my son receives, as long as there is constant communication between the therapists, my son’s teacher and myself. The hard work occurs in the classroom. My son’s therapist make sure his teacher and her assistants are utilizing the correct resources and techniques to help my son the most. I make sure they have my full support.

When I disagree with a member of the staff, we discuss it in a team meeting. Everyone works together to come up with a solution. I have learned that it is important that both sides are able to compromise. It is important to be open to everyone’s thoughts and ideas. I have also learned that when I relay my thoughts and opinions in a calm and logical manner, I am taken seriously and the staff is open to what I say.

I advocate for my son everyday. I am always prepared to change gears and approach a problem from a different angle. Sometimes I am wrong, and I have to accept it. Sometimes, I am right and nothing will back me down. In the future, I may have to consider a different placement for my son. It depends on him and his progress. I will make mistakes and feel the weight of guilt for each one. I will make great choices and be relieved when I see how they benefit my son. I will keep going everyday, making sure my son’s needs are met. That’s all we can do as parents. We take each day as it comes, and do what is the best for our child.

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Juggling Home, Family and Me – Life in a Special Needs Family

I am mom, wife, homemaker, and me. That’s how I look at it. As a mom, I put my children first. I worry about them all the time. As a wife, I put my husband second. He works so hard to provide for our family and to make sure we are taken care of. As a homemaker, my house comes third and then, well, there’s me. I come last.

Sometimes I think my life is like a juggling act. Sooner or later, priority has to come to my home and me. Cleaning my house is my responsibility. My children pick up their things, and my daughter tries to clean, but she is only six and I have to follow up after her. My husband takes care of the outside of the house, but will wash dishes once in a while. My son will pick up in his bedroom, but I have to stand there with him and constantly prompt him and keep him on task.

When you are raising a child with a special need and a child that is “typically developed,” you are constantly challenged everyday. In my juggling act, priority is given to my children, and my son usually gets the highest priority. Is this right? My daughter doesn’t think so, but I don’t see as I have a choice. If you have read my previous articles, then you know that my son is ten and autistic. My daughter is six. She loves her brother, but there are times when she just doesn’t understand why there seems to be two sets of rules in our house.

My daughter has always accepted her brother for who he is. To her, he is her brother and “normal.” I have noticed, lately, a change in her thinking. She is beginning to question things like: Why didn’t we teach her brother to talk like we taught her? Why are there things that he can’t do that she can? Why won’t he play with her like other children do?

For my son, we are beginning to get into a new stage. It looks like puberty may be coming early. At the very least, an awareness of body parts that he is just discovering he has. Every time I think I am starting to get a handle on “juggling“, something new begins that puts “me” back on the shelf. Parents of autistic children deal with a high level of stress every day. Moms, especially. I have never seemed to learn how to deal with this stress completely. I have the type of personality that is 100%+ until I reach a breaking point, and then it is 0%.

Luckily, when I reach my breaking point, I can stop and turn things over to my husband. It’s not easy. I feel so guilty when I have to take a couple hours for my self and leave everything to my husband. I am supposed to be able to do everything. I feel guilty when I can’t. I also feel guilty when I do, because I am always thinking that I am not doing enough. My son has a lot of developmental delays and it takes a lot of time and one on one instruction for him to learn how to do things.

I am also always worried about the future. It may seem like he still has a lot of time before he is an adult, but I see a boy that is growing fast and has a lot to learn. I worry about what kind of life he will have. I worry about my daughter and how she is doing. Is she feeling neglected? How is she going to feel about her brother when she gets older? How is she going to feel about her father and me?

In the end, I don’t have any easy answers to this juggling act that I call life. I try to keep all the balls in play, but more often than naught, the ones for cleaning my house and me are left on the shelf. I know I am not alone in this. There are many other moms out there that are dealing with the same situation. But, to be honest, there is no comfort in knowing that.  The comfort comes from hearing stories from moms that have moved on to the other side of the situation.  The stories of how they went through the same thing and survived.  If you have been at the point that I am at and have made it through, I would love to hear your story.

Potty Training an Autistic Child

Raising an autistic child comes with a lot of challenges. One of the biggest ones that I have faced with my ten year old son is potty training. I would read books and articles on the subject. I would go around the internet and ask questions on different social networks. In the end, I had to customize a program just for my son.

There are several different methods that are recommended for children diagnosed with autism who are having difficulty being potty trained. If your child is autistic, it doesn’t automatically mean you will have difficulties or may never be able to potty train your child. Each child is different, but there is a high percentage of autistic children that have a hard time with this skill.

One method is using a schedule. I used this method for several years, but did not have any success. I would take my son to the bathroom at the same time throughout the day, every day. His school would do the same thing. It didn’t promote independence in toileting skills, in fact, it made him more dependent on us. I have heard from other parents that using this method with their child led to independence. As I said earlier, each child is different.

Another method is the reward system. I tried this method, also. It didn’t work. I tried picture exchange (since my son is nonverbal), it didn’t work. At ten years of age, my son was still in pull-ups. Finally, I came up with the right method that my son would respond to. It was reward and punish (or give and take-away). I explained to him what we were doing and why. If he wet his pull-up, he would have one of his favorite items taken away. If he went to the bathroom without being told, he got an item back. If he went a whole day, completely independent and no accidents, he received a special reward of his choosing.

It took two weeks of reminding him to stay dry, but not telling him to go to the bathroom, before he started to make great progress. He would have days that he would lose all of his things and he would try to earn them back the next day. Around the third week, he started to go a complete day without an accident. By the fourth, he was out of pull-ups completely, no verbal reminders were needed, and trips out in public were accomplished without accidents, too.

The key was to find the right motivation for our son. I knew he was ready to be potty trained a long time ago. The problem was that he didn’t want to be. Once he started losing things that he loves, he realized that it was easier to go along with what he was being asked. Now that he is fully potty trained, he is so much happier. No more awful rashes that require medication to clear up. No more smelly pull-ups. No matter how old your child is, don’t give up. It is never too late for your child to be potty trained. You just have to find the right method and motivation for your child. There are other methods that have worked with children with autism. I have not listed them all. This is because I feel that the best method needs to come from what works best with your child. You are the best judge of that.

Raising a Family

I am the mother of two amazing children, one boy – 10 years old and one girl – 6 years old. My son is autistic and my daughter isn’t. Needless to say, life around our house is challenging.

My son received his diagnosis at age five. We were literally on a roller coaster of doctor visits and evaluations before he received his diagnosis. We knew he was autistic, but hearing the words from the doctor was still hard to take. We survived. My son is wonderful and we do everything we can to help him.

Before getting pregnant with my daughter, my husband thought long and hard about having another child. Our biggest concerns were whether or not we would be able to give our son the attention he needed and what would happen if our second child ended up being autistic. We knew that there was a good chance that we would end up with two children on the spectrum, even though we did not have an official diagnosis at that time. In the end, we decided that no matter what, we would love both of our children and do whatever we had to do in order to make it work.

Our daughter was born, and we had no problems. Our son took to her immediately. He loved this bundle of noise the moment he set eyes on her. As they both grew a little older, our daughter has shifted between being little sister to big sister. Constantly going back and forth between the two, she has developed a special relationship with her brother. No one interacts with my son the way she does. She demands his attention and gets it. They laugh and play together in a way that makes me envious. My son does not interact with other children. He simply stands or sits on the sidelines and watches.

It’s amazing how accepting my daughter is of her brother’s differences. We have had to be careful about her copying him, though. Little sisters love to copy their older siblings. She is no exception. We take each occurrence as it happens, letting her know what is appropriate and what isn’t. We explain why and she struggles with her acceptance of it. When she was younger, the hardest instance of this was communication. My son is nonverbal and used to communicate solely with gestures and sounds. My daughter wanted to do the same and we had to constantly tell her to use her words. It was hard for her to understand why she had to when her brother did not.

We have overcome a lot in the last six years. At the heart of it, what has made us able to handle everything, is our love. My husband and I love each other and we love our children. We balance our time with each other and with the two of them. We have made sure we have plenty of family time and plenty of one on one time with each of our children. There is no rule book for raising a family that has a child with autism. All you have to go on is instinct and love. If you have those two things working for you, you can take on anything.