When Mom Goes Back to School

I took a leave of absence from work at the beginning of this year to spend more time with my son, then 8 years old. Work had been very stressful for a long time, with long hours and lots of overseas travel and the associated jet lag – which made me as mentally absent upon my return home as I had been physically absent during my trip.

One evening, when I was thinking about applying for leave, I asked my son about the idea during our bedtime cuddles. “So, sweetie, what would you think if, maybe, mommy didn’t work for a while….would you like that?” I said. His response, after a moment of consideration, surprised me. “No, I wouldn’t like that,” he said. Hmmph! What gratitude! Why was I even thinking of this??…But then, with a sly grin, he burst out with, “I would LOVE THAT!!!!!” That response – including his cute, sneaky delivery – made a real impact on me.

Despite my desire to be with him, I also wanted to use the time off for other purposes – and knew I would need other stimulation. Through my work over the previous few years implementing diabetes education programs, I had developed an interest in helping to improve the health of communities and was seriously considering going back to school to do a Masters degree in Public Health. During the spring I sought input from various colleagues and friends and talked it over with my husband – and I decided to apply.

During summer break I took my son to Chicago for a week of fun, sightseeing and mother-son bonding. But it was also a chance for me to connect with some colleagues located there, who I worked with on the diabetes program – one of whom acted as a reference for my graduate school application. Over dinner at the Rainforest Café (have to keep the kids engaged!), we talked about my potential renewed academic career, especially as my friend was an experienced healthcare professional. Well, what is the saying about little ears???

I found out on the drive back to our hotel that in all my planning for school, I had neglected to mention anything of the idea to my son. I hadn’t realized. How could that have been the case? Why didn’t it occur to me to involve him…at least to confer with him as I had when deciding whether to apply for leave from work? Well, I suppose I didn’t think he’d really care, or really “get” it. Much of the academic work would take place during the day while he was at school, and the program offered the option to go part-time, which I was strongly considering. At any rate, I realized I hadn’t told him – and I paid for that…

In the absence of a prepared and controlled delivery of the information, his imagination had taken control. His reaction in the car essentially went like this (imagine the panicked/frenetic tone of an eight-year-old boy):

“You’re going back to school??? Why? Who said? I don’t want you to go back to school. Have you talked to Dad about this? Isn’t this something the family should decide? What if Nelson and Fiona don’t want you to go? [Note: Nelson and Fiona are our DOGS!]

“No you can’t go back to school. You’ll never be around. You’ll be gone all the time. I’ll never see you. I’ll be stuck with Dad! [Sorry honey!] You took time off from work to spend with ME!”

Nothing I said had any impact. He was inconsolable. And he was determined. It was a short drive back to the hotel, and when we arrived he was off like a shot, the card-key to our room in his hand (it had become a little family ritual that when we stayed in hotels, Elliott got to carry one of the room keys and be the one to open the door). When I got to our room and knocked on the door, he wouldn’t let me in directly. He had the door on the security latch so it opened only a little and, before he would let me in, he insisted that I had to pinkie-swear that I wouldn’t go back to school! Well I started to lay down the law, but he was quite upset, even a little hysterical, so in the end I did pinkie-swear…oh boy!

When we got back home a couple of days later, we sat down as a family and talked about the situation. I told him I was going to school – I had received my acceptance by then – but that spending time with him was still a top priority, so I would do what I could to manage my schedule, and we would see how it went. He was eventually fine with the situation, especially once he knew more about what my going back to school meant (i.e. I wouldn’t be moving to a dorm like our college-babysitter!). But it was a good lesson for me. Kids are people all their own. It’s not possible to know what’s going on in their heads and how they might view new developments in the family….so it’s important to communicate with them early when changes might be happening. It also gave me some insight into how much he had been affected by my frequent and protracted business trips. It gave me additional reassurance that taking time off to be with him was the right thing to do, despite whatever issues it might create down the road for my career.

So, fast forward a couple of months and I’m now in classes – writing research papers and studying for tests – and things are generally working out fine at home. Plus I’m getting lots of material for future posts on health and safety! But more on that later…

Does Your Back-To-School Checklist Include Swimming Lessons?

• Pencils? Check.  √
• Notebooks? Check.  √
• Backpack? Check.  √
• Swimming lessons? Huh???

So often parents associate swimming lessons only with summer vacation.  Summer is a great time to be in the pool, but there are a number of reasons why you should think about enrolling your child in swim classes year-round. First and foremost, learning to swim is like any other developmental phase – it requires a gradual strengthening of skills. Your child did not suddenly recite the Gettysburg Address – they began with simple words and built their mental and physical skills to understand and form more complex words and string them together coherently. Children learn to speak by practicing regularly. Swimming requires the same gradual and consistent teaching and practice.

Swimming is a life skill that will keep your child safe their whole life. Once children are school age they are at greatest risk of drowning in open water and it’s only a matter of years before they are out of your sight – don’t you want them to be safe?

If the safety reasons aren’t enough, here are some other great reasons why swimming should be on your back-to-school ‘to do’ list:

1. Swimming makes you smarter.
2. Teaching young children to swim actually makes them more physically coordinated as they mature. (Citation: Sigmundsson, H. and B. Hopkins. 2010. Baby swimming: exploring the effects of early intervention on subsequent motor abilities, Child: Care Health and Development. 36:3, 428-430. DOI: 10.1111/j.1365-2214.2009)
3. Swimmers live longer.

What else makes your child smarter, healthier, better coordinated AND safer?

Swimming lessons? Check!!!   √√√

“Best of” Back-to-School Health and Safety Tips 2011: Part II

If you are someone who takes care of kids in any way, shape or form (which I’m assuming you are if you’re reading this) one phrase has probably dominated your world for the past couple of weeks: “back-to-school”. It is likely that you have not spent a day, opened a newspaper or a journal or gone to the sites you typically visit online without seeing these words staring back at you in an article offering you advice on: “How can you best prepare your kids”, “The 101 things you should know about your child’s health and/or safety before you send them back to school…” etc.

Unfortunately, too much of a good thing is not always a good thing… With so many articles and so much information it can be a bit overwhelming at times. With that in mind, I’ve done a little searching and pulled together a “best of” health and safety tips across all the expert information I’ve found. While last week’s back-to-school health and safety tips focused on everything to consider before they head off to school, today’s tips focus on what you need to know to send them off and make sure they return safely. Hopefully it will save everyone a little time that they could be otherwise be using to get 5 more minutes (or 1 extra hug) with their kids. (*Please note: as with my last post, I am sourcing other author’s tips and will cite all references below – all copyrights, credit and thanks belong to them)

Heading to School:

Getting on the Bus Safely:

• When the bus arrives, stand at least three giant steps (6 feet) away from the curb.
• If you have to cross the street in front of the bus, walk on the sidewalk or along the side of the road until you are five giant steps (10 feet) ahead of the bus. Then you can cross the street.
• Be sure the bus driver can see you and you can see the bus driver.
• Never walk behind the bus.
• If you drop something near the bus, tell the bus driver. Never try to pick it up first because the driver may not be able to see you.

While on the bus:

• When on the bus, find a seat and sit down. Loud talking or other noise can distract the bus driver.
• Never put head, arms or hands out of the window.
• Keep aisles clear—books or bags are tripping hazards and can block the way in an emergency.
• At your stop, wait for the bus to stop completely before getting up from your seat, then walk to the front door and exit, using the handrail.

Getting off the Bus:

• If you have to cross the street in front of the bus, walk at least ten feet ahead of the bus along the side of the road until you can turn around and see the driver. Make sure the driver can see you.
• Wait for a signal from the driver that it’s safe before beginning to cross…then, walk across the road keeping an eye out for sudden traffic changes.
• Stay away from the wheels of the bus at all times.

Walking to school:

• Walk to school with a group of kids and always have a responsible adult with you.
• Always walk on the sidewalk if one is available. If no sidewalk is available, walk facing the traffic.
• The safest place to cross is at a street corner or intersection.
• If you are 10-years-old or younger, you need to cross the street with an adult. Before you step off the curb, stop and look all ways to see if cars are coming. When no cars are coming, it is safe for you to cross, but look left-right-left as you do and hold the adult’s hand.
• Walk, don’t run. This gives time for drivers to see you before you enter the roadway.
• Don’t dart out in front of a parked car. The driver of the car coming down the street will not be able to see you.
• In neighborhoods with higher levels of traffic, consider starting a “walking school bus,”  in which an adult accompanies a group of neighborhood children walking to school.

Riding a bike to school:

• Always wear your helmet and make sure it fits correctly. The helmet should fit low on your forehead so that two fingers fit between it and your eyebrows.
• To ride safely, you need to know the “rules of the road”. Ride on the right side of the road in a single file line in the same direction as other vehicles and come to a complete stop before crossing streets. Wait for a driver’s signal before crossing the street.
• Wear bright colors during the day and right before the sun rises or sets.
• Riding at night can be dangerous. You should have a white light on the front of your bicycle and a red reflector on the back. You also can get lights and reflective materials to put on your shoes, helmet and clothing.

By the Way – Here’s a great brochure by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) that uses graphics and humor to teach little kids how to be safe on their way to school.

Teen Driving:

• Graduated Driver Licensing allows teens to practice driving skills in low risk situations, moving through driver license stages with gradually increasing responsibility. GDL reduces teen driver crashes and deaths by up to 40%. You can implement life-saving GDL practices in your home by following these tips:
  • Extend the learner’s permit period until at least 6 months of practice has passed.
  • Set a nighttime driving restriction – no unsupervised driving after 10pm.
  • Set a passenger restriction – no one younger than 18 allowed during a teen’s first 12 months of driving.
  • Ban cell phone use and make safety belts mandatory while driving. Prohibit alcohol – zero tolerance for underage drivers.

During the School Day:

Eating during the day:

• Most schools regularly send schedules of cafeteria menus home. With advance information, you can plan on packing lunch on the days when the main course is one your child prefers not to eat.
• Try to get your child’s school to stock healthy choices such as fresh fruit, low-fat dairy products, water and 100 percent fruit juice in the vending machines.
• Each 12-ounce soft drink contains approximately 10 teaspoons of sugar. Drinking just one can of soda a day increases a child’s risk of obesity by 60%. Restrict your child’s soft drink consumption.

Bullying:

• “Bullying is when one child picks on another child repeatedly. Bullying can be physical, verbal, or social. It can happen at school, on the playground, on the school bus, in the neighborhood, or over the Internet”. The American Academy of Pediatrics has detailed guidelines on managing bullying from the perspective of the child being bullied, the child who is the bully and the bystander. Across all 3 categories, what is consistent is involving a parent or another adult to develop a proactive solution. Rather than try and abbreviate this section, if this is an issue for your child, well documented and excellent guidelines can be sourced here.

School Sports

• Acclimate children to hot weather workouts by gradually increasing time outdoors about ten days to two weeks before official practice begins to help prevent heat injuries.
• Make sure children drinking plenty of fluids and take frequent breaks: every 10-15 minutes while playing outdoor sports. Also make sure they wear light clothing and limit their exposure to the sun in the hottest part of the day. Apply towels soaked in ice cubes and water to the head and neck to stay cool.
• When heat illness is suspected, move the athlete into the shade or coolest area nearby. Try to cool them as quickly as possible by exposing the skin to ice/cold water and cool circulating air.
• Young athletes with asthma should use preventative inhalers 20-30 minutes before exercise, do a gradual warm-up and should have a rescue inhaler available to them during practices and during competition.
• Make sure children wear a well-fitted helmet if they play football, softball or baseball to prevent severe injuries such as concussions.
• Remind children to immediately tell the coach or trainer if they feel dizzy or have a lapse in memory after taking a blow to the head. They should not return to the same practice, game or contest and should be evaluated by a physician prior to return to play.

Keeping them safe at school:

• Ask your child about safety in his or her school. Where do they feel most safe? Least safe? Why?
• Identify comfort levels and methods for reporting safety concerns. Do students have at least one adult and/or method through which they would feel comfortable reporting safety concerns at school?
• Examine access to your school. Are there a reduced number of doors that can be accessed from the outside (while still allowing children to exit from the inside in an emergency)? Does faculty know who is in their school?
• 5 excellent questions that your school’s crisis management team should know the answer to – if not, get involved:
  • How do you dial 9-1-1 from the school phones? Do you need to get an outside line first?
  • What is the actual street address of the school if asked by a 9-1-1 dispatcher?
  • If your school’s nearby walking evacuation site is a community church, does someone have the keys to get in if no one from the church is there when you arrive?
  • How long does it really take to mobilize your school bus drivers in the middle of the day if you need to evacuate multiple buildings?
  • Have you ever trained students NOT to open doors to people on the outside trying to get into the school?

After School:

Getting home from school safely and staying that way:

• Make sure your child walks home with a group of friends or a responsible adult.
• Make sure to have an adult at the bus stop after school to ensure the kids get home safely.
• Make a code word that will be used when someone else they do not know will pick them up. Every time you have someone pick your child up from school they have to know your secret code word or your child will not get in the vehicle.
• Let them know that if an adult makes them feel uncomfortable or is following them they should call 911 and find a safe place – go back to school, to the police, or to a friend’s home as quick as possible.
• Along those lines – teach your children “No, Go, Yell, Tell”: Say No! loudly if they feel they’re in danger; Go! run fast and far to the nearest safe place; Yell! as loudly as they can while they run; Tell! a trusted adult exactly what happened as soon as they reach safety.
• If they are going to be alone in the afternoons, teach them to go straight home, lock the door and only open it for people with permission to enter the house. Never open the door to delivery people.
• They should never tell someone on the telephone or on the internet that they are home alone. If asked about mom/dad say something like “He or she is busy right now. Can I take a message?”

So folks, I know it was a long list, but I hope it’s one you’ll find useful. Until next time, keep them healthy and keep them safe…

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As we did with “Best of” Back to School Health and Safety Tips 2011: Part I, we’d like to send out our thanks and recognition to some very smart folks for some really terrific advice:

1. Waiting for the Bus, While on the bus, Getting off the Bus, Walking to school and Riding a bike to school: (Traveling to School: Safety tips to share with your children: National Safety Council)
2. Teen Driving: (Teen Driving Safety: Graduated Driver Licensing saves lives: National Safety Council)
3. Eating during the day and Bullying: (Back to School Tips: American Academy of Pediatrics 2011)
4. School Sports (Children Should Rely on Safety Equipment to Prevent School Sports Injuries: Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center)
5. Keeping them safe at school: (Parents & School Safety – Can you Prevent Another Tragedy? How Safe is Your Child’s School: Ken Trump, president of National School Safety & Security Services)
6. Getting home safe and staying that way bullets #1,2,3,4: (Children’s safety tips to remember for back to school: Melina Ann Collison, St Louis Crime Examiner, July 27, 2009)
7. Getting home safe and staying that way bullets #5: (Living Safe – Teach your children “No, Go, Yell, Tell”: Katherine Cabaniss Crime Stoppers)
8. Getting home safe and staying that way bullets #6,7: (After-school safety tips from the American Red Cross)

“Best of” Back-to-School Health and Safety Tips 2011: Part I

It’s that time of year again… back to school. A time filled with carpools, backpacks and homework…and on many parent’s minds, a question… How can I keep my kids healthy and safe without following them around 24/7? We know they need to experience independence, learn how to develop friendships and how to make good decisions, yet we’re torn with a desire to protect them in every way possible. Unfortunately the hazards they face – bullying, gangs, drug sales, reckless drivers and predators, just to name a few – can happen before, during or after school. The best we can hope for is to make sure they are healthy before they walk out the door, ensure their trip to and from school is “uneventful”, and equip them with the tools, knowledge and resources to help them keep themselves safe and healthy until they are once again in our care.

To assist our efforts, experts provide us with articles and blog posts of “back-to-school” health guidelines and safety tips do and don’t lists. In fact there is a wealth of knowledge on the web on how to best prepare your child and send them off to school. Hello information overload! So, in an effort to save you a little time – which at this time of the year we all know is in incredibly precious – I’d like to share with you our compiled list of the best back-to-school tips we’ve been able to find. In “Back-To-School” Part I, we’ll cover everything you need before they head out the door. Part II will keep them safe until they come home. (*Please note – I am sourcing other author’s tips and will cite all references below – all copyrights, credit and thanks belong to them)

Before School Begins:

Prep for back-to-school physicals:

• Bring five questions with you to be discussed during the visit. This helps parents to start thinking about their child’s health concerns earlier which may prevent parents from forgetting topics they want to discuss.
• Be sure to know the name and dosage of all medications your child is on.
• Bring shot records with you – especially if you’re changing pediatricians as vaccine schedule recommendations can change.
• Bring sports physical forms. Pediatricians can fill these out and conduct the sports physical exam in tandem with the yearly checkup.
• Bring report cards and conduct grades. If your child has special needs or classes, bring that information in as well. This information can help pediatricians look into, and potentially address, any underlying medical reason behind low marks.

Review your back-to-school health check list:

• Immunization: Ensure your child’s preschool immunization is completed prior to entering Kindergarten to protect her against vaccine-preventable diseases. Check here for the CDC 2011 Child & Adolescent Immunization Schedules.
• Vision screening: Have your child’s vision tested before he starts Kindergarten (ideally by age three) and annually until age 18. As much as 80% of learning is visual, so ensuring children can see properly will help them reach their full potential in the classroom.
• Hearing/speech screening: If you suspect your child may have a hearing or speech problem, check with your doctor for a referral to an audiologist and/or speech specialist. An undetected problem could interfere with your child’s learning.
• Dental checkup: Regular dental checkups should begin by age three. If your child hasn’t had her teeth examined prior to starting school, now is a good time for it. Regular checkups and cleanings help detect and prevent dental problems early.
• Mental Health Check: Pediatricians are now requesting that patients and their parents fill out questioners to monitor behavior and psychological healthiness. For children ages 18 months to two years this can help doctors rule out pervasive developmental disorders such as autism. For teens and pre-teens this can help doctors determine whether the child should be treated for depression.
• Emergency contacts: Make sure the school has up-to-date emergency numbers, including contact information for parents, physicians, etc.
• Health conditions: Ensure the school has up-to-date information about any physical impairments or medical conditions your child may have, including allergies. Also inform the school about any medications your child takes. Check here for more detailed information on preparing children with asthma to return to school
• Nutrition plan: Ensure your child has a healthy breakfast before heading to school in the mornings, and help her pack a nutritious lunch. Planning meals ahead of time and involving children in planning and preparation can make this task more manageable and fun.

Conduct a Back-to-school backpack check:

• A child’s backpack should weigh no more than about 15% of his or her body weight. This means a student weighing 100 pounds shouldn’t wear a loaded school backpack heavier than about 15 pounds.
• Select a pack with well-padded shoulder straps. Shoulders and necks have many blood vessels and nerves that can cause pain and tingling in the neck, arms, and hands when too much pressure is applied.
• Adjust the shoulder straps so that the pack fits snugly on the child’s back. Wear the waist belt if the backpack has one. The bottom of the pack should rest in the curve of the lower back. It should never rest more than four inches below the child’s waistline.
• Distribute weight evenly by using both straps. Wearing a pack slung over one shoulder can cause a child to lean to one side, curving the spine and causing pain or discomfort.
• Load heaviest items closest to the child’s back (the back of the pack). Arrange books and materials so they won’t slide around in the backpack.
• Check what your child carries to school and brings home. Make sure the items are necessary for the day’s activities.
• If the backpack is too heavy or tightly packed, your child can hand carry a book or other item outside the pack. If the backpack is too heavy on a regular basis, consider using a book bag on wheels if your child’s school allows it.

Deciding when they’re too sick for school:

• Fever: Fever is a common symptom of viral infections, like influenza. If your child’s temperature is 100.4 degrees or higher, keep your kid at home. While at home, encourage your child to drink plenty of liquids. If you have concerns about your child’s health, get in touch with her pediatrician. A child should be fever-free for 24 hours (without medicine) before returning to school.
• Mild Cough/Runny Nose: If there’s no fever and the child feels fairly good, school is fine.
• Bad Cough/Cold Symptoms: Children with bad coughs need to stay home and possibly see a doctor. It could be a severe cold or possibly bronchitis, flu, or pneumonia. But when the cough improves and the child is feeling better, then it’s back to school. Don’t wait for the cough to disappear entirely — that could take a week or longer!
• Diarrhea or Vomiting: Keep your child home until the illness is over, and for 24 hours after the last episode (without medicine).
• Sore Throat: A minor sore throat is usually not a problem, but a severe sore throat could be strep throat even if there is no fever. Other symptoms of strep throat in children are headache and stomach upset. Keep your child home from school and contact a doctor. Your child needs a special test to determine if it is strep throat. He or she can return to school 24 hours after antibiotic treatment begins.
• Earache: The child typically needs to see a doctor.
• Pink Eye (Conjunctivitis): Keep the child home until a doctor has given the OK to return to school. Pink eye is highly contagious and most cases are caused by a virus, which will not respond to an antibiotic. Bacterial conjunctivitis will require an antibiotic; your doctor will be able to determine if this is the case.
• Rash: Children with a skin rash should see a doctor, as this could be one of several infectious diseases. One possibility is impetigo, a bacterial skin infection that is very contagious and requires antibiotic treatment.

Check back again soon for Part II where we’ll pick up our “Best” Back-to-School Health and Safety Tips 2011 with suggestions for what to do once they head out the door. Until next time keep them healthy…keep them safe…

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Sending out thanks and recognition to some very smart folks for some really great advice:

1. Prep for back-to-school physicals: (Texas Children’s Pediatric Associates prepare patients to go back to school by Texas Children’s Hospital, Aug 2, 2011)
2. Review your back-to-school health check list: (Back to school health checklist by Alberta Health Services)
3. Conduct a back-to-school backpack check: (Backpack strategies for parents and students by the American Occupational Therapy Association, Inc.)
4. Deciding when they’re too sick for school: (Your Child: Too Sick for School? by Jeanie Lerche Davis for WebMD September 2010)

Parents: It’s Time for A Back-to-School Reality Check

School is now in full swing, the “honeymoon period” is over and studies say kid stress is mounting. This is the time to check in on how your child is doing and nip any problems in the bud.

According to a recent poll from the University of Michigan, childhood stress is now a top-5 concern for parents, ahead of bullying and just behind Internet safety. And 56% of parents believe the stress levels are getting worse, especially during the school year.  One thing is true: stressed-out children have a tougher time focusing on the teacher’s lessons and enjoying as well as succeeding in school Here are a few tips to help your kids manage those busy schedules and keep stress levels in check.

Set up a “30-day check in” Just like when you start a new job, parents should sit down with their kids each month to take stock and see if there are any problem areas. This way you can discover problems like overscheduling or bullies and nip them in the bud before they get out of hand. Here are the top kid stressors to check in on:

• Overscheduled: This is the time to check your child’s calendar to see if it is overscheduled. Does he really need to do everything that is listed? Is one of those activities boosting instead of reducing stress? Can you cut one thing? Ask him!
• Homework: Get to that open house and be sure to ask about the teacher’s homework policy. How much does she expect kids to do each night? Is your child keeping up?
• Grades: Review those first test scores and grades on perhaps the first essay or book report. If there is a problem, check in with the teacher. Is your child in the right ability groups? Do you need to hire the high school student next door as a tutor? If the struggle is lasting and your child just doesn’t get it, your son or daughter might need a referral for a Individual Education Plan.
• Social jungle: Bullies, mean girls and aggressive kids are unfortunately part of the school scene. How is your kid faring? For a quick gauge ask him to draw a map of the cafeteria: “Where do you sit? Who sits near you?” (The cafeteria is often a place where kids are most likely to be rejected. Does your child have social support?) Ask your younger child to draw the playground: “Where do you usually play? Who plays with you?” Every child needs at least one loyal buddy. If your child lacks one, then it’s time to boost friendship making skills and extend those pal invites to your home.

Tune into stress signs. Each kid responds differently, but the key is to identify your child’s physical behavioral or emotions signs before he is on overload. A clue is to look for behaviors that are not typical for your child.

Physical Kid Stress Signs

• Headache, neck aches and backaches
• Nausea, diarrhea, constipation, stomachache, vomiting
• Shaky hands, sweaty palms, feeling shaky, lightheadedness
• Bedwetting
• Trouble sleeping, nightmares
• Change in appetite
• Stuttering
• Frequent colds, fatigue

Emotional or Behavior Kid Stress Signs

• New or reoccurring fears; anxiety and worries
• Trouble concentrating; frequent daydreaming
• Restlessness or irritability
• Social withdrawal, unwilling to participate in school or family activities
• Moodiness; sulking; or inability to control emotions
• Nail biting; hair twirling; thumb-sucking; fist clenching; feet tapping
• Acting out, anger, aggressive behaviors such as tantrums, disorderly conduct
• Regression or baby-like behaviors
• Excessive whining or crying
• Clinging, more dependent, won’t let you out of sight, withdrawal

Try to handwrite notes and reminders – Parents and kids are communicating more and more via text message and email, so slow down and take a minute to write a quick note like “Good luck on your test” or “Dentist appointment at 4:00” and put it in their bag. Kids don’t admit it, but they love this special attention and it helps them feel more relaxed during a busy day.

Reduce after-school stress. After-school stress is a big issue for kids and they need some downtime to help them relax. At the same time, you don’t want them to just zone out completely. The trick is finding alone-time activities that help them relax a few minutes and release some of that stress, but are also fun AND keep their minds engaged. Most kids don’t need more than a few minutes of a stress reducer, but the key is finding what works for your child and then turn that stress reducer into a routine so the child does the same brief relaxer everyday. Research shows your child will then be able to focus more on that homework and acquire a lifelong habit.

• For the tween and teen kids – the newspaper is a great multi-purpose tool. Most newspapers are written around a 9th grade level (USA Today is at a 5th grade level), and just reading the paper every day can help spark that love of reading and learning. (YES!) There’s something for everyone – a crossword to build vocabulary skills, the kids section has games and brain teasers, and calculating stats in the sports section can even help with math skills. The trick here is to find the one section that you think might spark your kid’s interest (even the comics) and then put it right by a healthy snack. Circle an article that you think your teen might enjoy (from Lindsay Lohan or a movie review) and you can use that as conversation bridger to how things are going in your kid’s real world.
• While the younger kids don’t have quite as much stress, they still can find fun ways to relax and brush up on the new skills they are learning. My favorite game that kids will also love is VTech’s MobiGo, a new educational gaming system for kids ages 3-8. It combines touch screen technology with important early learning skills like math and vocabulary. Kids can swipe, drag and tap, just like Mom and Dad do on their electronic devices. The great part is that it is hand-held so you the child can use it anywhere–in the carpool while waiting for brother or on the couch. Parents can plug it into the computer and visit www.vtechkids.com/download to download progress reports for their kids, along with all kinds of games, themes and other content.

Get them to talk up about their day. Of course, you want to stay connected with your kid, but there is an art to getting kids to open up so they will be more likely to tell you about their day. Doing so will help you weigh how your kid is handling stress.Here are a few secrets to the never-ending battle of “How was your day?” and getting beyond, “FINE!”

• Wait! The time kids are most stressed is the moment they walk in the door. So don’t push the “how was your day?” inquiry. In fact, teens say they hate that question. “It’s predictable. She’s going to ask, ‘How was your day?’ Instead, a simple, “Looks like you could use a snack and a minute to unwind. Glad your home” works best.
• Use your kid’s time zone. Identify the time your kid is most receptive to chatting. With one of my sons I discovered it was around five o’clock in the afternoon by the refrigerator, and that’s where I’d plant myself.
• Don’t ask questions that kids can answer with “yes,” “no,” or “fine.” If you ask “what did you do after lunch?” is more likely to get a response other than yes or no. To help you find a conversation topic about what’s going on at school, check the school website or the school/teacher newsletter. Your kids may be more likely to engage in the conversation: “Wow, the next football game is going to be tough! Do you think your school has a chance?”
• Talk while doing. Boys in particular are more likely to open up when they are doing something. So trying talking while he’s stirring up a smoothie, shooting hoops or playing legoes.
• Start a family ritual to connect. It used to be family dinners, but busy schedules are making that a rarity. It doesn’t have to be elaborate – get the kids magazine subscriptions that math their interests. You can read the articles and engage them on topics they are excited about over a snack. Or set up a time from 8:00 pm where everyone in the family stops and meets in the kitchen for a backrub, a healthy snack or a check-in. The key is find a time that works for you and then turn it into a routine.

If you notice a concerning change in your child that is not typical and lasts, then don’t wait. Call for an appointment with the teacher. Check with other caregivers in your child’s life. Stress builds and is damaging to our children’s academic success, as well as emotional and physical health.

Now is the best time to take a reality check on your child.

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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research . The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has been released and is now available at amazon.com

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