Bullying: 10 Things We Can Do to Keep Them Safer at School

We know our kids will have the new school supplies they need to start school, but have we given them the tools they need to deal with more than the reading, writing and arithmetic?

With the new school year quickly approaching, now is the perfect time to sit down with our children and talk about bullying.

Studies estimate that 1 out of 3 children are bullied, and over 150,000 children a day, skip school because they fear being bullied by another student.

As parents, there is much we can do to help our children avoid, prepare for, and deal with bullying. This will ease our children’s minds, and ours.

What do we do…

1.  We realize, that no matter what we do, OUR KIDS WILL FACE CONFRONTATION in their lives. In school, in college, in the work place, in their neighborhoods, in marriage, as parents. Confrontation is part of life. We have to prepare them for it.

2.  We need to help our children understand that it is never okay to fight. For the most part, nothing good comes of fighting. Fighting is not the answer. When our children are 40 and they have a disagreement with a coworker, they can’t use their fists to solve the problem then. Why would we teach them that that is how to deal with conflict now. It is not a skill that will serve them through their lives. That said, we need to teach our children to stand up for themselves in self-defense. They should know that if they need to defend themselves because they are being, or going to be physically attacked, then they defend themselves. And, that if they do have to fight in self-defense, that we will not be angry, but understand. They need to know that they always defend themselves if/when things turn physical.

Then, we need to…

3.  Talk to our children when they are young. Waiting until our kids are bullied is not a good time to start addressing the issue. Use situations and find ways to bring up the subject and discuss it when they are young. Children who feel embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are very unlikely to come home and share how they feel. Make it clear to your children that you are always there to listen, and that you can relate. If it is hard to talk to them, round up some children’s books on the subject, or ask your spouse to help. Don’t scare your children, but inform them.

4.  Role-Play: Give your children different scenarios and teach them how to handle them. “What do you do if…?” (someone calls you a name, makes fun of you, someone takes your lunch, someone hits you). Go through each situation and teach them what to say and do. It will empower them, and when they are faced with the bully they wont be as intimidated because they will have had experience and practiced ways to handle the situation.

Role play simple words and actions…

• Stand up straight and tall – Shoulders back
• Don’t show emotion
• Use a firm voice

5.  Teach Conflict Resolution. We have to teach our children how to deal with conflict and confrontation. Teach them to manage their anger, communicate, and listen. Teach them how to compromise and be patient. This is done through everyday life situations and role-play. As conflict happens in your home, between siblings, use it to teach. We also must be good examples of conflict resolution in our own adult lives.

6. Let children work things out themselves. As parents we can be very quick to step in and stop the arguing and disagreements between our children. We decide who we think is the winner, and then go about our business. We feel good because the conflict and contention has stopped. We need to let our children work out their own disagreements. If we will sit back and watch, they will almost always be able to solve their own problems. Family situations are the perfect place for them to practice working through conflict when dealing with others. There is no better schoolroom than our home.

7.  Keep our Ears Open. When our kids try and talk to us, we have to listen. They will drop little hints when there are bullying problems. It is easy to miss the cues when we are not really listening to what is being said. When our kids’ talk to us, we need to put everything else aside and really be in the moment to listen. Kids will tell us there is a problem long before bullying turns physical, listen to them.

8. Acknowledge Verbal Abuse. Just because it isn’t physical, doesn’t mean it is okay. Verbal bullying causes children to feel the same things as physical bullying: fear, loneliness, depression, anxiety, emotional distress, and lower self-esteem. Don’t blow off your child’s concerns.

9.  Give them a hobby, interest, sport, talent, where they can excel. Build their self-confidence. We should involve our children in healthy activities where they find success. Something they like, that challenges them and where they can excel. Whether it is sports, a hobby or an interest. These activities will boost their self-confidence and belief in themselves, teach them how to deal with success and failure, solve problems, deal with others and speak their minds. A strong self-esteem is our child’s best defense against bullying.

10.  Model/Teach Empathy As parents, we need to model kind, gentle behavior for our children. They learn by watching us. Be sure that the other adults and kids that are around our children demonstrate empathy as well. We need to teach our kids to try to understand other’s points of view and to feel compassion towards others. If we are always raising our voices, showing impatience, and arguing, they will do the same. Empathetic children are also less likely to become bullies themselves.

As parents, we can do a lot to help our children deal with bullying. Send your children to school with more than just new pencils. Send them with confidence and strength to deal with conflict and stand up for themselves.

WERE YOU EVER BULLIED AS A CHILD? AS AN ADULT? HAS YOUR CHILD BEEN BULLIED?

“Best of” Back-to-School Health and Safety Tips 2011: Part II

If you are someone who takes care of kids in any way, shape or form (which I’m assuming you are if you’re reading this) one phrase has probably dominated your world for the past couple of weeks: “back-to-school”. It is likely that you have not spent a day, opened a newspaper or a journal or gone to the sites you typically visit online without seeing these words staring back at you in an article offering you advice on: “How can you best prepare your kids”, “The 101 things you should know about your child’s health and/or safety before you send them back to school…” etc.

Unfortunately, too much of a good thing is not always a good thing… With so many articles and so much information it can be a bit overwhelming at times. With that in mind, I’ve done a little searching and pulled together a “best of” health and safety tips across all the expert information I’ve found. While last week’s back-to-school health and safety tips focused on everything to consider before they head off to school, today’s tips focus on what you need to know to send them off and make sure they return safely. Hopefully it will save everyone a little time that they could be otherwise be using to get 5 more minutes (or 1 extra hug) with their kids. (*Please note: as with my last post, I am sourcing other author’s tips and will cite all references below – all copyrights, credit and thanks belong to them)

Heading to School:

Getting on the Bus Safely:

• When the bus arrives, stand at least three giant steps (6 feet) away from the curb.
• If you have to cross the street in front of the bus, walk on the sidewalk or along the side of the road until you are five giant steps (10 feet) ahead of the bus. Then you can cross the street.
• Be sure the bus driver can see you and you can see the bus driver.
• Never walk behind the bus.
• If you drop something near the bus, tell the bus driver. Never try to pick it up first because the driver may not be able to see you.

While on the bus:

• When on the bus, find a seat and sit down. Loud talking or other noise can distract the bus driver.
• Never put head, arms or hands out of the window.
• Keep aisles clear—books or bags are tripping hazards and can block the way in an emergency.
• At your stop, wait for the bus to stop completely before getting up from your seat, then walk to the front door and exit, using the handrail.

Getting off the Bus:

• If you have to cross the street in front of the bus, walk at least ten feet ahead of the bus along the side of the road until you can turn around and see the driver. Make sure the driver can see you.
• Wait for a signal from the driver that it’s safe before beginning to cross…then, walk across the road keeping an eye out for sudden traffic changes.
• Stay away from the wheels of the bus at all times.

Walking to school:

• Walk to school with a group of kids and always have a responsible adult with you.
• Always walk on the sidewalk if one is available. If no sidewalk is available, walk facing the traffic.
• The safest place to cross is at a street corner or intersection.
• If you are 10-years-old or younger, you need to cross the street with an adult. Before you step off the curb, stop and look all ways to see if cars are coming. When no cars are coming, it is safe for you to cross, but look left-right-left as you do and hold the adult’s hand.
• Walk, don’t run. This gives time for drivers to see you before you enter the roadway.
• Don’t dart out in front of a parked car. The driver of the car coming down the street will not be able to see you.
• In neighborhoods with higher levels of traffic, consider starting a “walking school bus,”  in which an adult accompanies a group of neighborhood children walking to school.

Riding a bike to school:

• Always wear your helmet and make sure it fits correctly. The helmet should fit low on your forehead so that two fingers fit between it and your eyebrows.
• To ride safely, you need to know the “rules of the road”. Ride on the right side of the road in a single file line in the same direction as other vehicles and come to a complete stop before crossing streets. Wait for a driver’s signal before crossing the street.
• Wear bright colors during the day and right before the sun rises or sets.
• Riding at night can be dangerous. You should have a white light on the front of your bicycle and a red reflector on the back. You also can get lights and reflective materials to put on your shoes, helmet and clothing.

By the Way – Here’s a great brochure by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) that uses graphics and humor to teach little kids how to be safe on their way to school.

Teen Driving:

• Graduated Driver Licensing allows teens to practice driving skills in low risk situations, moving through driver license stages with gradually increasing responsibility. GDL reduces teen driver crashes and deaths by up to 40%. You can implement life-saving GDL practices in your home by following these tips:
  • Extend the learner’s permit period until at least 6 months of practice has passed.
  • Set a nighttime driving restriction – no unsupervised driving after 10pm.
  • Set a passenger restriction – no one younger than 18 allowed during a teen’s first 12 months of driving.
  • Ban cell phone use and make safety belts mandatory while driving. Prohibit alcohol – zero tolerance for underage drivers.

During the School Day:

Eating during the day:

• Most schools regularly send schedules of cafeteria menus home. With advance information, you can plan on packing lunch on the days when the main course is one your child prefers not to eat.
• Try to get your child’s school to stock healthy choices such as fresh fruit, low-fat dairy products, water and 100 percent fruit juice in the vending machines.
• Each 12-ounce soft drink contains approximately 10 teaspoons of sugar. Drinking just one can of soda a day increases a child’s risk of obesity by 60%. Restrict your child’s soft drink consumption.

Bullying:

• “Bullying is when one child picks on another child repeatedly. Bullying can be physical, verbal, or social. It can happen at school, on the playground, on the school bus, in the neighborhood, or over the Internet”. The American Academy of Pediatrics has detailed guidelines on managing bullying from the perspective of the child being bullied, the child who is the bully and the bystander. Across all 3 categories, what is consistent is involving a parent or another adult to develop a proactive solution. Rather than try and abbreviate this section, if this is an issue for your child, well documented and excellent guidelines can be sourced here.

School Sports

• Acclimate children to hot weather workouts by gradually increasing time outdoors about ten days to two weeks before official practice begins to help prevent heat injuries.
• Make sure children drinking plenty of fluids and take frequent breaks: every 10-15 minutes while playing outdoor sports. Also make sure they wear light clothing and limit their exposure to the sun in the hottest part of the day. Apply towels soaked in ice cubes and water to the head and neck to stay cool.
• When heat illness is suspected, move the athlete into the shade or coolest area nearby. Try to cool them as quickly as possible by exposing the skin to ice/cold water and cool circulating air.
• Young athletes with asthma should use preventative inhalers 20-30 minutes before exercise, do a gradual warm-up and should have a rescue inhaler available to them during practices and during competition.
• Make sure children wear a well-fitted helmet if they play football, softball or baseball to prevent severe injuries such as concussions.
• Remind children to immediately tell the coach or trainer if they feel dizzy or have a lapse in memory after taking a blow to the head. They should not return to the same practice, game or contest and should be evaluated by a physician prior to return to play.

Keeping them safe at school:

• Ask your child about safety in his or her school. Where do they feel most safe? Least safe? Why?
• Identify comfort levels and methods for reporting safety concerns. Do students have at least one adult and/or method through which they would feel comfortable reporting safety concerns at school?
• Examine access to your school. Are there a reduced number of doors that can be accessed from the outside (while still allowing children to exit from the inside in an emergency)? Does faculty know who is in their school?
• 5 excellent questions that your school’s crisis management team should know the answer to – if not, get involved:
  • How do you dial 9-1-1 from the school phones? Do you need to get an outside line first?
  • What is the actual street address of the school if asked by a 9-1-1 dispatcher?
  • If your school’s nearby walking evacuation site is a community church, does someone have the keys to get in if no one from the church is there when you arrive?
  • How long does it really take to mobilize your school bus drivers in the middle of the day if you need to evacuate multiple buildings?
  • Have you ever trained students NOT to open doors to people on the outside trying to get into the school?

After School:

Getting home from school safely and staying that way:

• Make sure your child walks home with a group of friends or a responsible adult.
• Make sure to have an adult at the bus stop after school to ensure the kids get home safely.
• Make a code word that will be used when someone else they do not know will pick them up. Every time you have someone pick your child up from school they have to know your secret code word or your child will not get in the vehicle.
• Let them know that if an adult makes them feel uncomfortable or is following them they should call 911 and find a safe place – go back to school, to the police, or to a friend’s home as quick as possible.
• Along those lines – teach your children “No, Go, Yell, Tell”: Say No! loudly if they feel they’re in danger; Go! run fast and far to the nearest safe place; Yell! as loudly as they can while they run; Tell! a trusted adult exactly what happened as soon as they reach safety.
• If they are going to be alone in the afternoons, teach them to go straight home, lock the door and only open it for people with permission to enter the house. Never open the door to delivery people.
• They should never tell someone on the telephone or on the internet that they are home alone. If asked about mom/dad say something like “He or she is busy right now. Can I take a message?”

So folks, I know it was a long list, but I hope it’s one you’ll find useful. Until next time, keep them healthy and keep them safe…

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As we did with “Best of” Back to School Health and Safety Tips 2011: Part I, we’d like to send out our thanks and recognition to some very smart folks for some really terrific advice:

1. Waiting for the Bus, While on the bus, Getting off the Bus, Walking to school and Riding a bike to school: (Traveling to School: Safety tips to share with your children: National Safety Council)
2. Teen Driving: (Teen Driving Safety: Graduated Driver Licensing saves lives: National Safety Council)
3. Eating during the day and Bullying: (Back to School Tips: American Academy of Pediatrics 2011)
4. School Sports (Children Should Rely on Safety Equipment to Prevent School Sports Injuries: Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center)
5. Keeping them safe at school: (Parents & School Safety – Can you Prevent Another Tragedy? How Safe is Your Child’s School: Ken Trump, president of National School Safety & Security Services)
6. Getting home safe and staying that way bullets #1,2,3,4: (Children’s safety tips to remember for back to school: Melina Ann Collison, St Louis Crime Examiner, July 27, 2009)
7. Getting home safe and staying that way bullets #5: (Living Safe – Teach your children “No, Go, Yell, Tell”: Katherine Cabaniss Crime Stoppers)
8. Getting home safe and staying that way bullets #6,7: (After-school safety tips from the American Red Cross)

Stop Cyberbullying Now!

The term “cyberbully” usually applies to minors bullying other minors online. But did you know that plenty of adults too are tormented by online harassers? It can be a frightening, unnerving experience, but if it happens to you or someone close to you, you don’t have to ignore it.

Here is exactly what to do if you’ve been targeted.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 1: Learn your rights.

Many states have laws protecting you from cybercrimes. Check out the National Conference of State Legislatures site to find out what qualifies as cyberstalking, cyberbullying and cyberharassment, and whether your state has laws that specifically address these offenses. Even if you’re not ready to report the activity to the authorities, knowing your legal rights prepares you to understand when someone crosses the line.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 2: Ask for it to stop.

Make it clear to the bully that you want the behavior to stop immediately. If your child is being bullied, help him send the message. Don’t detail your reasons, because you risk getting roped into yet another conversation with the bully. Simply demand that it end and state that you want no more contact in the future. If the contact continues, don’t respond. If necessary, change your user names and profiles in the places (e.g., instant messengers) where the harassment occurs.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 3: Keep records.

Don’t delete any of the harassing communications, no matter how offensive. Save emails, chat logs and text messages in a file on your desktop — and back up copies to a cloud service like Google Docs. If the situation worsens and you need to alert the authorities, this evidence will be crucial in backing up your claims.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 4: Report the abuse.

Forward offensive emails to the harasser’s school and Internet service provider, and ask that they be investigated. If the cyberbullying is happening at work, notify a supervisor or your human resources representative immediately. And if the problem escalates and you feel that you or your family members are unsafe — or that your legal rights have been violated — file a report with your local law enforcement.

Cyberbullying Tip No. 5: Get support.

Ask for help. Such organizations as CyberAngels can provide detailed, one-on-one guidance in dealing with cyberbullies and remind you that you’re not alone. Other organizations, such as the National Crime Prevention Council , offer tips as well — especially for parents and teens.

More info on keeping kids safe online from our sponsor

Special Needs Kids and Bullying

Bullying has been all over the media, although we all know it has been around forever. Now a new report by non-profit AbilityPath.org called “Walk a Mile In Their Shoes…Bullying and the Child with Special Needs” shows that special needs students are even more likely than average kids to be taunted and picked on. The report also has guides for parents to help their children and recommends Social and Emotional Learning curricula, like one used in Illinois schools, to address the problem.  The group has also launched a public service announcement starring Lauren Potter of “Glee”.

 

While 45 states have adopted laws related to bullying in the last five years, the report notes, few address the bullying of students with special needs in particular. California schools chief Tom Torlakson plans to include special needs children in anti-bullying legislation. What about your state???

Cyberbullying: Knowing the Signs Can Save Your Child

Over the last few months we’ve read about horrific tragedies – bullycides — that appear prompted by relentless peer bullying. Phoebe Prince, a fifteen-year old Massachusetts high school student, committed suicide. South Hadley High Principal Daniel Smith called Prince “smart, charming, and as is the case with many teenagers, complicated …. We will never know the specific reasons why she chose to take her life,” Boston.com reported. But we do have one clue: friends and school officials confirmed that she had been taunted by peers via text messages, Facebook and other social networking sites since moving from Ireland last year.

Horrific. Sad. Heart-wrenching. There really are no adequate descriptors. We’ve read of too many of our children who have ended their young lives due to vicious online (yes, and offline) peer cruelty. I carry with me a photo of a young Canadian boy — a precious sixth grader — who ended his life because of bullying. His father gave me his son’s photo and asked me to never stop doing what I do.

“Keep talking about empathy,” the dad said. “If someone had heard your message I know my son would be alive today. It would have saved him.”

I promised that dad I would keep going. But it seems we have an even tougher battle these days. Kids are crueler and at younger ages. Let’s get our heads out of the sand and realize we’re not doing a good enough job in nurturing our children’s empathy and creating cultures of compassion.

And so let’s get educated, folks. It’s our first big step to turn this around. These are serious lessons — they might save a child. Please read carefully. Watch your child and how he responds. Not one more death!

What is Cyberbullying?

So we’re clear, cyberbullying is an electronic form of communication that uses cyber-technology or digital media to hurt, threaten, embarrass, annoy, blackmail or otherwise target another minor. Every adult who interacts with kids–parents, educators, librarians, police, pediatricians, coaches, child care givers–must get educated about this lethal new form bullying so you can find ways to stop this.

One reason for such a dramatic increase in cyber-abuse is that it’s just so much easier to be cruel when you don’t have to do lash out your vicious insinuations face to face! Where we once thought we just had to protect children from adult predators using the Internet, we now need to shield kids from one another.

Cyber-bullying is real. Incidents are happening at an increasing rate. National surveys by online safety expert, Parry Aftab, estimate that 85 percent of 12 and 13-year olds have had experience with cyber bullying; 53 percent say they have been bullied online.

Many experts confirm that the psychological effects on our children can be as devastating, and may be even more so than traditional bullying. If you have any doubt, just look at the precious face of Phoebe Prince! Research proves that when kids are left unsupervised and without behavior expectations traditional bullying thrives. And we may not be doing as good a job as we think.

One survey found that while 93 percent of parents feel they have a good idea of what their kids are doing on the Internet; 41 percent of our kids say they don’t share with us what they do or where they go online.

9 Possible Signs and Symptoms of Cyberbullying To Look for In Your Children

Research also says that chances are that your child will not tell you he is harassed online. As our children get older studies also show the likelihood declines even more. One big reason: our kids say we did not listen or believe them when they did come and tell us. So get educated. Tune into your children closer. Look for these possible signs of cyber bullying though there are others. And if they are not due to cyberbullying they clearly warrant looking into. Something is amiss with your child!

• Hesitant to be online; nervous when an Instant Message, text message or Email appears
• Visibly upset after using the computer or cell phone or suddenly avoids it
• Hides or clears the computer screen or closes cellphone when you enter
• Spends unusually and longer hours online in a more tense pensive tone
• Withdraws from friends, falls behind in schoolwork’s or wants to avoid school
• Suddenly sullen, evasive withdrawn, marked change in personality or behavior
• Trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, excessively moody or crying, seems depressed
• Suspicious phone calls, e-mails and packages arrives at your home
• Possible drop in academic performance

Your goal is to keep a good ongoing dialogue with your child so she will feel comfortable telling you if something bad happens online or elsewhere. You are your child’s best filter both on and off line Build a relationship of trust and then listen carefully to what your kids say about their online experiences. Let your child know you believe her and will not stop until she feels safe. Also be clear that you want to know if your child receives an inappropriate message (that goes for both on and offline).

This tragedy should be a wake-up call that our children need more specific guidance, developmentally appropriate supervision, and clear expectations for the wide, wide web.

Get educated. Get active! Get your community involved. And please watch for those signs.

No child should ever be allowed to send or receive cruelty! EVER!

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