Be a Parent and Not a Referee: Simple Tips to End the Fighting
It’s the soundtrack to parenthood: the battles, the bickering, the rivalries. Mom- she’s touching me! He’s 
looking out my window! Tell her to get out of my room! Even on the best of days these sibling squabbles can make you want to pull your hair out. Add in busy schedules and mounting stress and coming home to conflict and contention can just be too much to handle. So what can you do when your living room more closely resembles a war zone rather than the relaxing retreat that it should be?
Though you can’t force your siblings to be best friends, you can get a handle on their squabbles and create a (relatively) harmonious home.
As you probably know already, just saying ‘You kids stop your fighting!’ isn’t going to cut it. Kids respond to firm boundaries and clear cut directives. So what you have to do is lay out some non-negotiable rules and enforce them…period.
There are four simple house rules that will result in a (temporary, at least) cease-fire on all the fighting. The key to successful implementation: consistency, consistency, consistency! (Did I say consistency?)
- No yelling. Instate a ‘vow of yellibacy’ in your house and enforce it. When tempers flare and feelings are hurt, the volume decimal tends to rise, causing arguments to quickly escalate and get out of hand. Just remember: the ‘no yelling’ rule isn’t only for the kids, it goes for you too. Parents have to set the example for staying calm and collected when they are upset or angry as well. This should be rule number one. All family members must use calm voices only—no yelling allowed. And if talks get heated, anyone can make a time-out hand sign hinting that he needs to cool down. When cooler heads prevail, arguments get resolved much more quickly and in a way that is less stressful for everyone.
- No taking without asking. Property ownership can be a BIG deal to little ones, and the time honored “Mooom, she’s touching my stuff!” complaint can be frequent in multi-child households. This can be a particularly touchy issue for tweens and teens- especially if there is a younger sibling in the house. Older siblings can get pretty upset when their iPods and laptops are confiscated by tiny sticky (literally!) fingers. Insist that permission of the owner must be granted before borrowing, using, or taking any property. Not only will this cut down on the conflict, but it will also make it easier to resolve any arguments that may come up. If permission was not asked for and granted, then you know who broke the rule. Simple as that.
- No hurtful behaviors. With bullies and mean girls running the schools, it’s important that you set the standard for you home to be a safe haven for your kids. It should be a place free from hurtful behaviors. Set a strict policy: name-calling and hitting will not be tolerated, under and circumstances and they will result in a consequence. Tolerating hurtful behavior inside your home only encourages your kids to display it when you aren’t around as well- and that’s not a character trait any parent wants to encourage. This rule should stand for each child in your home, no matter what age they are. The consequences may differ according to the age group: for a younger child, a display of hurtful behavior will result in a time-out. If your child is older, then it means the loss of a privilege. While hitting and hurtful words are sure to happen when it comes to siblings, it’s up to you to make them understand that you will not tolerate it under any circumstance.
- No involvement without evidence. If you are the parent of siblings, you’ve probably also spent a good deal of time playing referee. Kids are quick to run to a parent’s aid to help settle their disagreements and if you weren’t a witness to the incident itself, then it can be hard to know exactly what to do. Borba says you should get involved in the conflict only if you actually saw or heard it occur. This will help to keep you neutral and will encourage your kids to adopt strategies to help them work things out for themselves. If your kids seek your help, but you don’t have any evidence, then step away. Instead, suggest that they use Rock, Paper, Scissors to work out their problem. This prevents you from having to choose sides or take one kid’s word over another’s—and it will also teach them to work things out for themselves. After all, you won’t always be there to help them resolve their problems, so it’s better that they acquire the skills at home so they are ready when the time comes.
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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research . The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has recently been released and is now available at amazon.com
Simple Tips to Prevent Childhood Obesity
I am always skeptical of easy fixes.
If a diet or a product or a book claims that they will have astounding results with little pain, my first instinct is to run in the other direction.
However, a study that will be published in March in the journal Pediatrics looks at risk factors for obesity and has three simple bits of advice that I think are worth following.
- Eat with your family.
- Decrease TV time.
- Get more sleep.
Simple, right?
But are these recommendations really so simple? If so, why aren’t we all doing them?
Our lives are busy and some families do have difficulty intergrating consistent mealtimes during a week filled with work and kids activities. Parents allow their children to watch a lot of TV and playing video games and spend hours on the computer for a variety of reasons, including their children’s insistence and their fatigue at fighting and limit setting. And bedtimes creep later when kids fight and scream and yell and refuse to go to bed, and parents just don’t have the energy to fight it.
But making little steps towards these goals can really be a game changer for your family, and for your kids health now and in the future. According to one of the authors of the Pediatrics study, children who practiced all three of these behaviors had a 40% lower risk of obesity than those who did not.
So try it. This week…
…Eat one more meal with your family than you usually do.
…Make some rules for kids about “screen time”. And enforce them. Every time.
…And put your kids to bed earlier: maybe start 15 minutes earlier, and go from there.
…And while you’re at it, put yourself to bed a little earlier too. Sweet dreams….
Tips for parents:
To keep your family healthy and decrease your risk of obesity:
- Eat family meals together more than five times a week.
- Limit your children to no more than 1 hour of screen time on weekdays, and less than 2 hours on weekends.
- Aim for 10 1/2 hours of sleep for young and school-aged children.
Text4Baby…Texts for Moms
Over the past few years the rate of US infant mortality has been 
rising. More than 500,000 babies are born premature and around 28,000 children die in the very first year of their birth – sobering statistics for a country with such advanced medical capabilities. Because of this, U.S. Chief Technology Officer Aneesh Chopra and the National Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies Coalition (HMHB) have partnered with several major cellular carriers to create Text4Baby, a new, free mobile information service designed to bring timely health information to expectant and new moms.
According to a recent report by Pricewaterhouse Coopers’ Health Research, delivering health information via text messaging is an up-and-coming trend for healthcare providers, enabling them to easily reach patients who are most in need of monitoring. Since key predictors of a child’s’ chance for survival are birth weight and gestational age, moms-to-be are prime candidates for this kind of communication.
Text4baby promotes maternal and child health by offering health-related information through SMS text messages. Women can sign up for the service by texting “BABY” to 511411 (or “BEBE” in Spanish) and will receive three free SMS text messages each week timed to their due date or baby’s date of birth. The messages deal with diverse topics including: birth defects prevention, immunization, nutrition, seasonal flu, mental health, oral health and safe sleep. The Text4baby service also connects women to prenatal and infant care services and other resources.
According to Chopra“text4baby is the first free mobile health service to be taken to scale in the United States. We know that mobile phones hold tremendous potential to inform and empower individuals…Text4baby represents an extraordinary opportunity to expand the way we use our phones, to demonstrate the potential of mobile health technology, and make a real difference for moms and babies across the country.”
Texting for healthy babies – sometimes a little innovation can be a powerful combination
The “Big O”
Got your attention. Sorry to disappoint but the ‘Big O’ here is obesity. This past week the Whitehouse and Mrs. Michelle Obama formally announced the ‘War On Childhood Obesity’ when they announced the “Let’s Move” program. According to Mrs. Obama, “These words – ‘overweight’ and ‘obese’ – they don’t tell the full story. This isn’t just about inches and pounds or how our kids look. It’s about how our kids feel, and how they feel about themselves. It’s about the impact we’re seeing on every aspect of their lives.”
One of the impacts of this problem is that for the first time in many generations, children born today may have a shorter life expectancy than their parents and a main reason for this is childhood obesity. Like any other overweight person, an obese child is subject to the same risks for hypertension, diabetes, stroke and heart disease. If you are concerned about your child- don’t know if their weight is appropriate or if your child is at risk- a great place to start is with your pediatrician.
There are many things that may be done to help. Two important ones are knowing what your child eats and movement or exercise. Fast food, processed food and school cafeteria food are known problem areas. So is the X-Box, WII generation who sits in front of a TV or computer or gaming system rather that getting up and moving around. Help your child eat healthy and encourage them to get outside and move, play and enjoy life.
Thank you Mrs. O for your dedication and leadership to our children and our future.
For more information go to www.Whitehouse.gov or www.LetsMove.gov
Sippy Straw Cleaner
Have you ever accidently left your child’s sippy cup in the blistering hot car or wonder what that odd smell is coming from under the couch, only to 
find your child has hidden their thermos there over a week ago? Have you ever gone to pick up your children from daycare only to see some other runny nosed child drinking out of your child’s sippy cup? I am a stay at home mom that has tackled the never ending battle of trying to disinfect and clean out the curdled milk or molded apple juice from my children’s sippy cup and thermos straws. I tried using toothpicks, pipe cleaners, Qtips, even small paintbrushes… always with minimal success. I never felt confident that it was bacteria free and clean enough to have my children drink through it again. After throwing away TONS of expensive sippy cups because of dirty, clogged straws, I came up with the idea for a mini reusable straw brush cleaner…and voila … the idea for THE SIPPY STRAW CLEANER was born.
Surprisingly, it took only four months to go from an idea to an actual marketable product. During these months I spent many sleepless nights scouring the mommy message boards, online boutiques, and major retail chains for any similar products. Everyone had the same home remedies, yet none of them seemed to be a full proof method for cleaning those pesky straws. More importantly, I saw the reoccurring phrase “I just throw them out and buy another one” and it raised a huge red flag as to the amount of PLASTIC sippy cups that were being thrown in the garbage and what that was doing to our environment. In addition, parents were wasting money purchasing new expensive sippy cups, merely because they couldn’t get the straw clean.
My goal for the Sippy Straw Cleaner was three-fold:
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Save parents money by not having to purchase new sippy cups on a regular basis.
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Better for the environment due to less plastic toss out.
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Healthier for kids by cutting down on straw bacteria build up.
Over the last two years, the media has spent quite a bit of time talking about the dangers of Bisphenol-A (BPA) and how scientists have linked very low doses of BPA exposure to cancers, impaired immune function, early onset of puberty, obesity, diabetes, hyperactivity, as well as neural and behavior problems among children. Being a mother, I only wanted to develop a product that was safe for both me and my children. The Sippy Straw Cleaner 
underwent weeks of laboratory testing in New Jersey for verification of its compound makeup. I am happy to report that the Sippy Straw Cleaner is not only FDA approved, but BPA FREE and meets all the requirements of the US Consumer Product Safety Regulations. The brush has a nylon bristle tip, stainless steel rust free wire stem, and a polypropelene handle to allow for easier holding and scrubbing motion. The design and size of the brush allow for it to universally fit all major brands of sippy, thermos, accordion, and sports bottle straws. It also works fabulously on medicine droppers, jewelry, and keyboards.
The Sippy Straw Cleaner has been on the market for a mere 2 months now…and based on the feedback we’ve received, I’m proud to say we’re meeting our goals. Healthier kids…healthier environment…one sip at a time 
HEALTHFUL HINTS:
What are the benefits for your child by drinking from a straw?
- Drinking from a straw cup helps oral motor strengthening and speech development.
- Straw usage helps to improve lip closure, strength, and control.
- Using a Sippy Cup with a straw allows a child to hold their cup easier and doesn’t require tilting.
- When purchasing bottles and/or Sippy Cups always look on the label to verify that the product is BPA free.
To help ensure your child’s sippy cups and thermos’s are BPA free, there are many websites that are full of “green” recommendations with reviews on products available on the market today.
- The Soft Landing : Store and blog offering over 45 brands of 100% BPA, PVC, and Phthalate free baby and toddler products.
- Safe Mama: BPA free bottle and sippy cup cheat sheet
- Z-Recommends: Searchable database providing information about potentially harmful chemicals in a wide range of baby products based on company reporting.
