Can “Man’s Best Friend” be Your Child’s Best Friend??

At the end of last month the headlines were about how a four year old girl was killed by a family dog. Last year there was a chilling story about a family dog that drug a newborn out of its crib- not even 24 hours after being brought home. No one knows why in either of these cases.

As a medic, I’ve seen more than my share of dog bite cases including one I will never, ever forget. Decades ago I was sent to transport a child across state to a teaching hospital for experimental surgery. The hope was that they would be able to create a new face for her to replace the one that the family dog chewed off. The father killed the dog on the spot. This did not end well for either human or canine.

I have six dogs so please don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of those anti-dog people. I love dogs and have had them my entire life. Dogs and kids belong together – responsibly. Just like kids and pools, kids and bikes and kids and the internet  -responsibly with parental supervision.

Here are some of my tips for a long healthy kid-pet relationship.

• If someone (like an adoption professional) says your child and the pet you are interested in are not a good match- listen.
• Learn about the dog breed you are interested in adopting. Some dogs for example are bred to herd animals- by nipping. Some dogs are just too big and may even pose a suffocation hazard to babies.
• Socialize your dog to people of all ages and other pets soon and often.
• Correct (with compassion) unwanted behavior. Dogs aren’t psychic they must be taught what is acceptable.
• You would never leave your baby alone in a bathtub- don’t leave your baby alone with your pet either.
• Teach your children and dogs how to interact safely.

Remember those very cute Easter Bunnies? They often like to nibble. Cats have been found in babies cribs blamed for infant deaths- accused of ‘stealing the baby’s breath.’

My life has been so much richer and fuller from having pets in my life. Some of my fondest memories are of my dogs (and yes my children too). Our pets and our children both are depending on us to assure a long, safe and happy relationship.

They Want Independence…You Want Them Safe: Middle Ground?

Before setting a limit, offer empathy and recognition of their needs or wants. Saying, “I understand that you want to join Tommy in going to the park after dark and that you feel there is nothing to worry about.” Validating their feelings also models respect and the importance of valuing each other’s perspective. Rather than immediately devaluing their requests as immature or possibly dangerous, recognizing their desires as something that within their world makes sense, lays the groundwork for your child to become an empathic adult.

Problem solving or compromising together shows your child a way to reach a resolution in a mature and calm manner. For instance, “Since I feel it is unsafe to go to the park after dark, is there another time in which the two of you could go?” Offering choices is a great way to foster autonomy within limits, such as, “It’s cold out and you gotta wear a coat. Which would you like, your black one or your green windbreaker?” Being consistent, of course, is always key and staying firm when concerns over their safety is warranted. It is our responsibility to take care of our children. However, it is also our duty to ensure they are learning the way to be safe and healthy.

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This post reflects Dr Kenney’s “The Family Coach Method” used in practice for a number of years, and released for publication just this past September. The Family Coach Method is ‘rug-level,’ friendly and centered on the concept of families as a winning team – with dozens of age-appropriate sample conversations and problem solving scenarios to guide a family to the desired place of mutual respect, shared values and strengths. The goal is to help children to develop the life skills, judgment and independence that can help them navigate the challenges of an increasingly complex world. The Family Coach Method is also being taught as an Educational Series where parents can join with other moms and dads in live calls with Dr Kenney.

Counting Our Blessings: Proven Ways to Raise a Grateful Child

It’s Christmas Day…or the first night of Chanukah…or maybe it’s Thanksgiving… and your family and guests are all gathered together at your table ready for the meal to begin, but you first want folks to share their blessings. Be honest. Which scenario would best depict your reaction when it’s your children’s turn to count their blessings with the group? Would you…

A.  Beam with pride as they describe their gratitude for their life blessings?

B.   Gently remind them of things they could share?

C.   Want to die from embarrassment since your kids can’t think of anything to say?

If your kids need reminders to say “thank you”, show appreciation or take for granted thoughtful gestures, then it may be time for a gratitude makeover. Here’s another reason to do so: Studies prove that the happiest kids feel an appreciation for life—and that’s regardless of their wealth or personal circumstances. They are also more joyful, determined, optimistic, resilient, less stressed and even healthier. So if you’re a tad concerned that your kids’ attitude of gratitude needs a little boost, the good news is that science also proves there are simple strategies to do so. One of the easiest ways is by establishing family rituals where kids count their everyday blessings.

Here are a few to get you started:

• Thank You ABCs. This one is great for younger kids to do at the dinner table. You and your kids say the alphabet together but for each letter include something you are grateful for: A, Aunt Helen; B, my brother; C, my cat, and so on. Take it up a notch by explaining why they are grateful. Families with small kids rarely get beyond H, but the point is you’re having fun together and you kids are also learning to be appreciative.
• Holiday blessings. Say a prayer of thanks together before meals. Some families take turns so that each night a different member leads the prayer. Or do bedtime blessings when each child exchanges messages of appreciation for one another followed by a goodnight hug and kiss.
• Gratitude letters. Your child writes a letter to someone who has made a positive difference on his life but has probably not thanked properly in the past (such as his teacher, coach, scout master, grandparent). To maximum the impact, research says that your child should read the letter to the person face to face.
• Set limits. Having too much squelches appreciation. So fight the tendency to overindulge your child with too many things. Always giving kids what they want does not help kids learn to be grateful and appreciative of what they have.
• Gratitude journals. Another proven way to boost gratitude is by having your kids write something they feel grateful ideally four times a week and continue for at least for three weeks. Younger kids can draw or dictate things they are most grateful for; older kids can write in a diary or in a computer. Why not do so as a family?
• Thank your kids. Don’t overlook your kids’ daily thoughtful deeds. Just be sure to tell them what they did that you appreciate so they are more likely to copy your example and send their own “appreciation messages” to others.
• Expose your kids to the less fortunate. Face-to-face experiences can go a long way in helping kids appreciate their blessings. So find ways for you and your child to do charitable work (playing with kids in a homeless shelter, reading to the blind, building low-cost house, or delivering meals for the bed-ridden).

Remember, change is a process not a one-time activity. So stick to your commitment and find simple ways to help your child practice gratitude, reinforce any efforts and don’t give up until you get the desired change.

Happy New Year!

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Dr Borba’s new book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research . The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has recently been released and is now available at amazon.com

November is National Adoption Month: Help a Child Celebrate

Did you know it would take less than one percent of the U.S. population to provide a forever family for every child in foster care available for adoption? November is National Adoption Month and Pediatric Safety as a member of Global Influence is participating in a coordinated effort between Adopt Us Kids, the U.S. Children’s Bureau, Ad Council, and Child Welfare Information Gateway to make the difference of a lifetime for about 130,000 children who deserve a family of their own.

The mission of Adopt Us Kids is to recruit and connect foster and adoptive families with waiting children throughout the United States. Funded by the Children’s Bureau of the Administration for Children and Families, the national photolisting website contains photos and information about children in foster care.

If you’re considering foster parenting or adopting…

• The Adopt Us Kids website has information about foster parenting, the seven step journey to fostering/adoption, and lots more useful information.
• Information about adoption subsidies is available
• Every state has its own guidelines on adoption. You can find this information here
• You can search for children in your state or area who are in need of an adoptive family here at the Adopt Us Kids website:
• If you would like to speak with someone regarding the adoption process, you can reach AdoptUsKids at 1-888-200-4005.

A national adoption public service advertising recruitment campaign was launched in July 2004 in a partnership of the Children’s Bureau, the Ad Council, and Adopt Us Kids, with the goal of raising awareness of the significant number of children in this country waiting to be adopted. New Public Service Announcements have been developed as an extension of this highly successful campaign.

If you just want to help…

• Please visit http://www.adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care-advocacy/ to learn more about adoption from foster care and how to help spread the word about children in care waiting for a forever family.
• Follow @perfectparent or @adoptuskids
• Become a fan of AdoptUsKids on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/AdoptUsKids.

Adoption/fostering is not for everyone, but there are things that you can do, such as provide respite care for families and lots more! You can reach out to your state rep (contact info here) to get more info.

Each one of us can play a role in helping a child find their forever family…

This campaign is brought to you by Global Influence, the former Momfluence network.

Cold and Flu Guide

Cold and flu season is once again upon us. When kids get sick during this time of year, many parents aren’t sure how to tell the difference between a cold and the flu, and at what point they should take their child to the doctor. Cold and flu symptoms can be similar and confusing. The rapidly spreading 2009 H1N1 influenza virus is also a growing concern for parents. Using the guide below can help you determine whether your little one needs symptomatic treatment at home, or whether it is time to seek a doctor’s help.

Winter colds:

• Cold symptoms may include: Stuffy nose, sneezing, cough/chest discomfort (mild to moderate; hacking cough), mild to moderate sore throat, mild aches and pains, mild fatigue.
• Complications from a cold can include: Sinus infection and/or ear infection, lower respiratory infection such as bronchitis.
• Prevention of a cold: Thorough hand-washing and avoiding contact with others who have colds as much as possible. Disinfect toys if a sick child has played with them. Disinfect household surfaces and doorknobs.
• Treatment for a cold: Treat symptomatically with clear liquids, over-the-counter (OTC) medications, and get plenty of rest. For young children, ask your doctor’s advice before giving OTC medications. Never give more than one medication containing acetaminophen (Tylenol) See your doctor if symptoms worsen or if they are not getting better after a week.

Seasonal Flu and 2009 H1N1 Influenza

• Flu symptoms may include: High fever (102 to 104), headache (may be severe), aches and pains (moderate to severe), extreme exhaustion (early on in the illness and prominent), fatigue and weakness (can last up to 2-3 weeks), cough/chest discomfort (can become severe). May have stuffy nose, sore throat, and/or sneezing.
• Complications from the flu can include: Bronchitis and/or pneumonia, which may require hospitalization.
• Prevention of the flu: Same as for colds. In addition, an annual flu shot or flu mist, upon your doctor’s recommendation. Anti-viral drugs may be prescribed if you have been exposed to the flu.
• Treatment for the flu: If you suspect that you or a family member has the flu, contact your doctor right away. He or she can tell you whether an office visit is necessary, based on symptoms and previous health history. For any child who has an underlying health condition (especially asthma or other respiratory problem), an office visit is in order, as soon as possible, or go to the emergency room if it is after office hours. Influenza is a serious illness and requires monitoring for complications. If necessary, Amantadine or rimantadine (anti-viral drugs) should be started within the first 24-48 hours after onset of symptoms. Follow your doctor’s advice for treatment of symptoms.

If your child has any signs of respiratory distress (trouble breathing) such as:

• Shortness of breath
• Labored breathing (watch for retractions – chest muscles being sucked in when inhaling)
• Paleness or grayish/blue tint in the skin, especially in the face and lips
• Wheezing
• Severe coughing

..call 911 or seek emergency medical help immediately.

These guidelines are of a general nature and not intended to replace the advice and supervision of your physician or pharmacist.

Copyright 2009 Tamara Walker, R.N. All Rights Reserved. May be used only with author’s permission.

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