Solutions to Turn Pessimistic Kids Into Optimistic Thinkers

“Why should I bother? You know they won’t choose me.” “What’s the point? I’ll never make the team.” “Why are you making me go? You know I won’t have fun.”

Let’s face it: Kids with pessimistic attitudes are among the most frustrating breeds. They give up easily, believe anything they do won’t make a difference, and assume they won’t succeed. Sadly, they rarely see the good, wonderful things of life. They dwell instead on the negative, bad parts, and often find only the inadequacies in themselves: “I’m so dumb, why study?” “Nobody’s going to like me, why bother?” (Beware: the trend is increasing: a child today is ten times more likely to be seriously depressed compared to a child born in the first third of this century.) So what’s a parent to do?

First, do know I empathize if you have one of these little critters. I know this is troubling stuff, and at times even heartbreaking. After all, one of the hardest parts of being a parent is when your child isn’t happy. But there is one point you must keep in mind: Kids are not born pessimistic. Research shows a large part of this attitude is learned along the way. So take heart: research at Penn State University concludes that parents can help their kids become more optimistic. Doing so will dramatically increases the likelihood of your son or daughter’s long-term happiness. So roll up your sleeves, and let’s get started. Here are secrets to help make a real difference on your child’s life from The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

1. Eliminate the negatives you can. Start by doing what you can do: Cut the sources that might be exacerbating your kid’s pessimism. Possibilities? Why not reduce the terrifying news on CNN; stop talking about the bad stuff on the front page; listen to your own negative talk and curb it; monitor the cynical musical lyrics your kid is hearing? Where once those tragic and terrifying world events seemed so far, far away or only printed words in the newspaper, they are now 24/7 on our TVs and Internet screens. So be more vigilante and turn off what you can control. Enough!
2. Look for the positive. Next, consciously stress a more optimistic outlook in your home so your child sees the good parts of life instead of just the downside. For instance, start nightly “Good News Reports”: each family member can report something good that happened that day to him or her. Or share optimistic stories. The world is filled with examples of individuals who suffered enormous obstacles, but don’t cave into pessimistic thinking. Instead they remained optimistic, and kept at their dreams until they succeeded. So look for examples to share with your kids.
   • Institute goodness reviews. Each night start a new ritual with your child of reviewing all the good parts about her day. Your child will go to sleep remembering the positives about life. If you do it often enough, it will become a routine that your child will do on her own.
3. Confront pessimistic thinking. Don’t let your child get trapped into “Stinkin’ Thinkin’. Help him tune into his pessimistic thoughts and learn to confront them. You could point out cynicism by creating a code–such as pulling on your ear or touching your elbow–that only you and your kid are aware. The code means he’s uttered a cynical comment. Encourage your kid to listen to his own cynical comments. Suggest an older kid wear a watch or bracelet. The watch reminds her to tune into how often she is pessimistic. Or even help your kid count their pessimistic comments for a set time period: “For the next few minutes listen how many times you say downbeat things.” A young kid can count comments on his fingers. An older kid can use coins moving one from his left to right pocket.
4. Balance pessimistic talk. One way to thwart your kid’s pessimistic thinking is by providing a more balanced perspective. If you use the strategy enough, your child will use it to help counter pessimistic talk. Suppose your child won’t go to her friend’s birthday thinking no one likes her. Offer a more balanced view: “If Sunny didn’t like you, you’d never have been invited.” Or if your kid blows her math test exclaiming that she’s stupid. You say: “Nobody can be good at everything. You’re good in history and art. Meanwhile, let’s figure out how to improve your math.”
5. Deal with mistakes optimistically. Pessimists often give up at the first sign of difficulty, not recognizing that mistakes are a fact of life. Tips to help kids keep a more optimistic outlook to setbacks are: Stressing that it’s okay to make mistakes. Give kids permission to fail so they can risk. Admit your mistakes. It helps kids recognizes mistake making happens to everyone. Or even call it another name. Optimists call mistakes by other names: glitch, bug, etc., so rename it!
6. Encourage positive speculation. Help your child think through possible outcomes of any situation so he’ll be more likely to have a realistic appraisal before making any decision and less likely to utter a pessimistic one. You might: Asking “what if?” kinds of questions to help your kid think about potential consequences. List pros and cons of any choice to help your child weigh the positive and negative outcomes. Or name the worst thing that could happen if he followed through so he can weigh if it’s all that bad.
7. Acknowledge a positive attitude. Do be on the alert for those times your child does utter optimism. If you’re not looking for the behavior, you may well miss those moments when your child is trying a new approach. “Kara, I know how difficult your spelling tests have been. But saying you think you’ll do better was being so optimistic. I’m sure you’ll do better because you’ve been studying so hard.”

Face it, this is a troubling time to be growing up, and cynical kids tune into the bad times often seeing only the downward side of any situation. The world really is a wonderful and hopeful place. We just need to take the time and point out all the goodness in it to our kids. After all, this is their world, and the habits they learn now will last them a lifetime. Let’s make sure that one of those habits is the optimistic thinking and recognizing the wonder and beauty in life.

****************************************************************************************************************************

Dr Borba’s new book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research . The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has just been released and is now available at amazon.com

First Year Developmental Milestones: Learn the Signs…Act Early

Have you ever wondered how your child is growing and developing compared to other children of the same age? It wouldn’t be unusual if you have.  Skills such as taking a first step, smiling for the first time, and waving “bye bye” are called developmental milestones, and they have often held a special place in the bragging hearts of grandparents everywhere.  There is however another side to developmental milestones.  One that is even more valuable to parents. 

Although no two children grow at the same rate, experts agree there are “normal” signs of development.   Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, behave, and move (crawling, walking, etc.).  Given the reports that have been published recently about the increased findings of autism in the US, it is not surprising that more and more parents are searching for information to help them identify signs of delayed development.   Knowing that early recognition and action have the potential to make a difference, the CDC has incorporated some wonderful information on developmental milestones from the AAP into the Learn the Signs…Act Early pages of their site and provided access to some terrific resources to help if assistance is needed.

Here are the milestones you can monitor for your child’s first year…   

By 3 months of age:

Social and Emotional

• Begins to develop a social smile
• Enjoys playing with other people and may cry when playing stops
• Becomes more expressive and communicates more with face and body
• Imitates some movements and facial expressions

 Movement

• Raises head and chest when lying on stomach
• Supports upper body with arms when lying on stomach
• Stretches legs out and kicks when lying on stomach or back
• Opens and shuts hands
• Pushes down on legs when feet are placed on a firm surface
• Brings hand to mouth
• Takes swipes at dangling objects with hands
• Grasps and shakes hand toys

Vision

• Watches faces intently
• Follows moving objects
• Recognizes familiar objects and people at a distance
• Starts using hands and eyes in coordination

Hearing and Speech

• Smiles at the sound of your voice
• Begins to babble
• Begins to imitate some sounds
• Turns head toward direction of sound

By 7 months of age:

Social and Emotional

• Enjoys social play
• Interested in mirror images
• Responds to other people’s expressions of emotion and appears joyful often

 Cognitive

• Finds partially hidden object
• Explores with hands and mouth
• Struggles to get objects that are out of reach

 Language

• Responds to own name
• Begins to respond to “no”
• Can tell emotions by tone of voice
• Responds to sound by making sounds
• Uses voice to express joy and displeasure
• Babbles chains of sounds

 Movement

• Rolls both ways (front to back, back to front)
• Sits with, and then without, support on hands
• Supports whole weight on legs
• Reaches with one hand
• Transfers object from hand to hand
• Uses hand to rake objects

 Vision

• Develops full color vision
• Distance vision matures
• Ability to track moving objects improves

By 12 months of age:

Social and Emotional

• Shy or anxious with strangers
• Cries when mother or father leaves
• Enjoys imitating people in his play
• Shows specific preferences for certain people and toys
• Tests parental responses to his actions during feedings
• Tests parental responses to his behavior
• May be fearful in some situations
• Prefers mother and/or regular caregiver over all others
• Repeats sounds or gestures for attention
• Finger-feeds himself
• Extends arm or leg to help when being dressed

Cognitive

• Explores objects in many different ways (shaking, banging, throwing, dropping)
• Finds hidden objects easily
• Looks at correct picture when the image is named
• Imitates gestures
• Begins to use objects correctly (drinking from cup, brushing hair, dialing phone, listening to receiver)

 Language

• Pays increasing attention to speech
• Responds to simple verbal requests
• Responds to “no”
• Uses simple gestures, such as shaking head for “no”
• Babbles with inflection (changes in tone)
• Says “dada” and “mama”
• Uses exclamations, such as “Oh-oh!”
• Tries to imitate words

 Movement

• Reaches sitting position without assistance
• Crawls forward on belly
• Assumes hands-and-knees position
• Creeps on hands and knees
• Gets from sitting to crawling or prone (lying on stomach) position
• Pulls self up to stand
• Walks holding on to furniture
• Stands momentarily without support
• May walk two or three steps without support

 Hand and Finger Skills

• Uses pincer grasp
• Bangs two objects together
• Puts objects into container
• Takes objects out of container
• Lets objects go voluntarily
• Pokes with index finger
• Tries to imitate scribbling

As a parent, you know your child best. If your child is not meeting the milestones for his or her age, or if you think there could be a problem you do have resources:

• call your child’s pediatrician and share your concerns – don’t wait.  If you or your child’s doctor think there may be a delay, ask for a referral to a specialist who can do a more in-depth evaluation of your child.
• call your state’s public early childhood system to request a free evaluation to find out if your child qualifies for intervention services. This is sometimes called a Child Find evaluation. You do not need to wait for a doctor’s referral or a medical diagnosis to make this call.  To find the contact for your state, call National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY) at 1-800-695-0285 or visit the NICHCY website.
• there is some great information on the CDC website If You’re Concerned page about “What to Say” when you call and “What to Do” while you’re waiting for help.
• A page of Links to Useful Sites:  Parenting and Family Support;  Healthcare Providers that offer testing and intervention resources;  Childcare and Early Education resources

Watch for these milestones in your child over time and don’t make any judgements based on a single day. Remember, each child is different and may learn and grow at a different rate. However, if your child cannot do many of the skills listed for his or her age group, you should consult your pediatrician.  According to developmental specialists Joyce Powell and Dr Charles Smith, remember to take into account if your child was born sooner than his or her due date and be sure to deduct the number of months early from his or her age. A 5-month-old born 2 months early would be expected to show the same skills as a 3-month-old who was born on his or her due date. 

Please remember, you are the most important observer of your child’s development.  You will know before anyone if there is a delay in reaching any of their key milestones.   The good news is, the earlier it’s recognized the more you can do to help your child reach his or her full potential.

************************************************************************************************************************

Milestone Work Referenced:

• From CARING FOR YOUR BABY AND YOUNG CHILD: BIRTH TO AGE 5 by Steven Shelov, Robert E. Hannermann, © 1991, 1993, 1998, 2004 by the American Academy of Pediatrics.
• Powell, J. and Smith, C.A. (1994). The 1st year. In *Developmental milestones: A guide for parents*. Manhattan, KS: Kansas State University Cooperative Extension Service. 

Swine Flu for Parents: Real World Answers Part II

In our last post we walked you through what we hope was everything you needed to know about the virus in general:  how to recognize symptoms, avoid the virus and take care of your kids if they happened to catch it. Our goal today is to provide you with the same kind of detailed information…but on the vaccines. We’re not going to make choices or judge anyone’s decisions or tell anyone what they should believe or what actions they should take. But there is a lot of information out there, a lot of rumor and a lot of conjecture. There are polls saying that a large percent of parents are choosing not to vaccinate for the swine flu because of concerns about what is or isn’t in the vaccines…And there are numerous mixed message coming from the media. What we can do is help you sort through all the media coverage and pull together some of the best, most reliable information currently available to hopefully provide you with some much needed “real world” answers to some very important questions. AND THEN…we will let you make your own decision about what’s right for you and your child. So as we did yesterday…let’s start off with a little background, but this time… about the H1N1 vaccine…

The H1N1 vaccine for kids…

Dr Ari Brown: The vaccine will be available as both a nasal spray and a shot. Currently the FDA has approved three flu shots from three manufacturers and one nasal spray from another manufacturer. Keep in mind that all of these protect against just H1N1. They will NOT protect against the other flu strains we typically see in the fall and winter season

All three vaccine shots are inactivated vaccines and like the seasonal flu vaccines are created with egg product, so people with egg allergies need to steer clear. Here are the key differences between the 2 brands that have been approved for young children:

• Novartis Brand: FDA approved for children four years of age and older. There are two forms of this shot: The single dose uses thimerosal in the manufacturing process but then it is extracted before the final production. The multidose vials use thimerosal as a preservative
• Sanofi Brand: FDA approved for children six months of age and older. There are two forms of this shot—a single dose in a prefilled syringes and a multidose vial. Both products are thimerosal preservative free.

The nose spray is similar to the Flumist vaccine used for seasonal flu vaccine. It is also made with egg product and it does not have any preservative.

• Medimmune makes the H1N1 nasal spray. It is FDA approved for healthy people two years old up to 49 years of age. Because it is a live vaccine, pregnant women, people with asthma, people with immune deficiencies, and those with underlying medical conditions should NOT get this vaccine.

If I choose to vaccinate, how many shots or doses does my child really need?

AAP: The seasonal flu vaccine is given separate from the H1N1 vaccine and is available now for all children ages 6 months through 18 years. If your child is less than 9 years old and this is his or her first time getting a flu vaccine, s/he will need two doses.

Parents and caretakers of infants under 6 months of age should also get the seasonal flu vaccine now to protect these children who are too young to be vaccinated.

Dr Brown: For H1N1 flu, kids under ten will need a series of two shots or doses, given approx. one month apart. Ten years of age and older will only need one shot or dose for protection. Infants under 6 months are too young to be vaccinated.

It is definitely a good idea to get both vaccinations, but keep in mind all live-attenuated flu vaccines (the nose sprays) must be given at least four weeks apart so you have an adequate immune response to the vaccinations. So, if your child gets Flumist over the next few weeks for seasonal flu, he has to wait a full four weeks to get the H1N1 nose spray. Consider that before getting Flumist right now.

There is not a special time interval to receive seasonal flu shot and H1N1 shot.

My kids are not great with shots – any suggestions?

Mattel Children’s Hospital UCLA: The good news is that there are several techniques that parents can use to positively impact their child’s experience when getting a needlestick – the key is to be creative and use the right combination of tactics depending on your child’s age, the particular procedure being done and the child’s fear level.

Parents of young children can bring soap bubbles and ask them to blow bubbles during the injections, suggesting they are “blowing away the hurt.”With a crying infant, if the parent places the plastic bubble maker in front of their mouth, as they cry out, they will make bubbles. “I have seen babies stop crying mid-cry because they were distracted by the bubbles,” said Dr. Lonnie Zeltzer, director of the Pediatric Pain Program.

For older children and adolescents getting the shots, but parents can help the child to breathe out slowly to relieve the pain.

Parents can ask their kids to use their imagination and experience being somewhere else really fun during the injections, such as at the park or at the beach. Other distraction ideas include jokes, video games, stories and music.

Experts have also advised parents to ask doctor for a prescription for a numbing cream or patch and put on the areas to be injected. Or if the doctor approves, parents can give the child a dose of pain reliever, such as Tylenol, about one hour before the injection.

After returning home, put an ice bag on the injection site to reduce local swelling and pain.

Finally, do not lie to your child about getting an injection…No one likes to get poked with a needle, but if you reassure your child that there are ways to make the hurt go away, then you can help them achieve a successful, less painful experience

Am I better off with the H1N1 nose spray? What about antivirals and the nose spray?

Dr Brown: If someone is taking an antiviral (such as Tamiflu), he should not take the nasal vaccine until it has been at least 48 hours after completing the medication. And, if a person receives the nasal vaccine, he should not take an antiviral (such as Tamiflu) for two weeks after being vaccinated unless it’s medically necessary. That’s because the medication will reduce the ability for the vaccine to work.

What about vaccine safety concerns?

Folks, here I will depart from providing information – only because this topic could be a post unto itself. I will say that Dr Brown, The American Academy of Pediatrics, Public Health of Canada and Pediatric Safety’s own Dr Kim among others feel confident in their recommendations to immunize (please read Dr Kim’s comments at the end of this article). I will also say that other professionals – including some in the medical profession – feel differently.  What I can do is provide you with several links that should hopefully give you some useful reference points to consider… For my family, I feel safer with the H1N1 vaccination than taking a chance without one.

• Dr Ari Brown on vaccine safety, thimerosol concerns, adjuvants and Guillain-Barre Syndrome
• Safety questions on vaccines – Children’s Hospital of Boston
• Health Canada Flu Watch on vaccine safety, thimerosol concerns, and adjuvants for Canadian citizens
• Weighing Possible H1N1 Vaccine Risks – Dr Jennifer Ashton on Both Sides of the Flu Vaccine Coin

When will the vaccine be available?

Dr Brown: The seasonal flu vaccine (both shot and Flumist nose spray) is available now.

Wall St Journal: For the United States: The first available H1N1 vaccine will be the nasal spray for 2 years and older and started distribution as of Tuesday; the first H1N1 vaccine shots for 6months and older, could start becoming available for high priority groups (pregnant women and anyone with an “at risk” medical condition) as early as later this week. 45 million doses are expected to be distributed across the US by mid-October. Approx. 250 million doses have been ordered which should cover any American who wants to be vaccinated

Public Health Agency of Canada: For Canada: The Canadian government intends to purchase 50.4 million doses of H1N1 vaccine on behalf of the provinces, territories and federal populations, which should meet the need of every citizen desiring vaccination. The government remains on target to have a safe and effective vaccine available in November 2009. However we expect the vaccine could be available as early as mid October should this be necessary.

We hope our vaccine overview has been a help. We know you have some tough decisions in the weeks ahead…and we hope we gave you some useful information that makes it a little easier for you to make some of them.  We also know it can be a bit scary…and that no matter how good the information we provide, sometimes it just helps to hear a few words of advice from someone who speaks from the heart…and while she may not be your own pediatrician, she’s really great with kids and she cares an awful lot… So here is Dr Kim, our own in-house pediatrician, to give you her thoughts on the H1N1 vaccines.  In the end…we leave it up to you and your pediatrician to decide on the best path forward for your kids…

Here’s my take on the upcoming flu season and influenza vaccines for children this year.

First, every single year the regular seasonal influenza kills approximately 35,000 people in America. And it is responsible for severe illnesses and hospitalizations, as well as the missing of school and work days, for many more kids and families.

As much as we may wish, we cannot prevent your children from getting sick each winter. There are more than 200 cold viruses and we have no vaccines to prevent these illnesses. But influenza is among the most severe and the most miserable of the viruses, and we can prevent severe illness with vaccinations.

But is it safe doctor?

I have fielded questions from worried parents and watched the media stir up fears for the past months about the safety of the H1N1 vaccine.

Many patients and writers in the press have expressed concerns about the “new-ness” of the H1N1 vaccine. That concern is based on a lack of understanding of the way that flu vaccine is made. Every year a “new” influenza vaccine is made based on the circulating strains of virus and given to millions of people with excellent safety and efficacy. The H1N1 vaccine has been made in the same way, at the same companies and factories. We know how to do this well and safely.

Some people worry that there is not enough safety data. In my opinion, there is never “enough” safety data. But again, given the track record of similarly-made flu vaccine in the past, there is not reason to be concerned that this vaccine will be unsafe at all.

Others worry that the vaccine will not be effective, citing concerns that the virus may mutate and change. Virologists know that this is rare in a single flu year, and we have watched the virus through the spring in Mexico, the summer here and the winter in the southern hemisphere, and the virus has not changed; there is no reason to expect that it will do so this winter.

Other concerns relate to preservatives used in childhood vaccines, such as thimerisol. Please keep in mind that many studies have been done to evaluate the safety of these compounds, and no good scientific study has ever shown that the very small amounts of thimerisol used in vaccines are harmful to children. 

Finally given the recent media attention, questions have been raised about the 1976 flu vaccine and Guillain-Barre Syndrome.  What isn’t being given as much attention is that the 1976 flu vaccine was made in a completely different way than the current swine flu vaccine, with less sophisticated and safe vaccine technology.  So there’s no reason to suspect that GBS (which is typically present at a mild level in the general population), would increase at all with this year’s H1N1 vaccine.

In summary, as I mentioned in my previous post on this topic, I am strongly recommending both the regular seasonal flu vaccine and the H1N1 vaccine to my most vulnerable patients this winter: young children, those with chronic illnesses like asthma, pregnant women, and the parents and caregivers of babies younger than 6 months old who cannot yet be vaccinated. I think that these vaccines are safe, and I think that they are important. They will save lives and decrease pain and suffering this winter.  And as always I recommend to families getting enough rest (sleep-deprived bodies are much more vulnerable to illness), staying well hydrated, practicing extra-vigilant hand hygiene, and reducing stress and increasing joy (both of which have measurable impacts on the immune system)!

I hope that you all have a fun and safe fall and winter! -Dr Kim

Dr Kim Newell is a pediatrician in a busy outpatient practice in San Francisco. At Princeton University she studied the history of religious thought and practice around the world. Only in modern times have healing and religion been separate fields of study. She attended medical school at the University of Pennsylvania to learn the practice of medicine in a busy urban teaching hospital. Along the way she lived in India for a year and worked at hospitals in Guatemala, Uganda, and on the Navajo reservation in New Mexico, where she learned to be grateful for the luxury that allows her patients to fret over the small things. She completed her pediatric residency at the University of California at San Francisco (UCSF). Dr. Kim would like to help parents build healthy families by arming them with knowledge and tools, as well as a bit of lightness and laughter. She believes that the joys of parenting should outweigh the worries. Dr Kim blogs at drkimmd.com

***************************************************************************************************************************

Relevant Links

• U.S.A.H1N1 Vaccines, 195 Million Doses: Availability, Safety Issues by Dr Ari Brown (Dr Brown is a pediatrician, book author, child health advocate, and a mom. Dr. Brown is Board Certified and is a Fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. She has appeared on the Today Show, CNN, Dr.Phil, RachaelRay and ABC News)
• Frequently Asked Questions About H1N1 Flu (Swine Flu) – AAP
• How to make flu shots easier for kids – Mattel’s Children’s Hospital, UCLA
• Public Faces Long Wait to Get New Flu Vaccine – Wall Street Journal 10/5/09
• Health Canada flu watch
• Each week the CDC publishes an update on flu statistics including location of flu activitiy, type of flu, hospitalization and mortality stats.  For those interested, the data can be found here:  2009 H1N1 Flu: Situation Update by CDC October 2, 2009  http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/update.htm
• At Pediatric Safety, we have an active link to the latest flu news from flu.gov.  Visit us here for updates or sign up for email updates http://www.pediatricsafety.net/awareness/

Stop Missing Kids Part II: Protect Your Child from Abduction

This past week, I was watching America’s Most Wanted on TV. I have always loved John Walsh, the host of the show because through his television program he has helped take down over 1,050 dangerous fugitives and bring home more than 50 missing children in the past 22 years. In 1981 John and his wife Eve’s 6 year old son Adam was abducted and murdered. And since that day, John has dedicated his life to fighting on behalf of both children and adult victims of violent crimes.

On yesterday’s show, they were talking about a particular young girl named Michaela Joy Garecht who was abducted back in 1988. They told the story about her mother’s struggle through the pain of losing her only child. But through the horrible situation, she wound up turning it into something good by becoming a speaker and advocate for child safety. Her name is Sharon Nemeth Murch and she wrote a book called “Listen to Your Smart Voice” which is available on Amazon for $9.95.

This 40 page book is a child safety program that empowers children by teaching them to use the very best weapon of all — their own intelligence. In this book, children learn what a Stranger is, and how to react to one. In In life, a child will encounter many situations which will help train their Smart Voice, and gain real-world skills. But the truth is, every new child that goes missing shows us yet another new way predators have found to entrap our children. We need to do what we can to protect them! And in order to do that, it is our responsibility as parents to protect them by teaching them to be aware, and to be smart in all circumstances.

Being a mother of almost 4 little ones, this subject touches my heart tremendously. I decided to look into it a bit more and I came up with a few sites that you might want to check out.

http://www.kindervision.org/- “Created in 1991 as a result of the kidnapping and murder of seven year old Leticia Hernandez in Southern California, KinderVision® is a national child safety education program dedicated to the protection of children from abduction and sexual exploitation. Developed with the assistance of law enforcement and research including an interview with a convicted child killer, the KinderVision educational materials are designed to be an ongoing resource for families, for schools, for law enforcement, and for all youth-serving organizations to teach children and youth how to be safe from sexual predators – because The Greatest Save is the one we never have to make. The program is available in English and Spanish and is funded solely through corporate sponsorships and contributions with the materials provided FREE to families whenever possible on site, on air, and on line.” Be sure to check out their Free Downoadable Lesson Kits for Preschool & Kindergarten Age Children. It is important to teaching our children early about how to keep themselves safe.

http://www.radkids.org/ – radKIDS® is the national leader in children’s safety, with headquarters based in South Dennis, Massachussetts. radKIDS® is brought to children and parents by the training and development of nationally certified instructors drawn from their own communities. By empowering a community with certified local instructors, the radKIDS® Personal Empowerment Safety Education package is not just a program but a true gift to the community. Community-based organizations receive training and support from national headquarters to provide the radKIDS® program as a part of their own youth work. These groups, which have safety goals compatible with those of radKIDS®, include police departments, educational organizations, civic groups, fraternal organizations, citizens’ groups and concerned parents.

http://www.mypreciouskid.com/ – My Precious Kid Child Safety Products Manufacturer of Oregon is founded on Christian values of truth, honesty, integrity, human worth, and the value of all children. My Precious Kid is dedicated to family success and family safety. My Precious Kid Child Safety Products and Baby Gear protect your children and give you peace of mind. They have products for your baby, children, adults, pets, the elderly, and children with special needs. I have actually done a review on this awesome company several months ago. Check it out here.

**************************************************************************************************************************

I just cannot imagine the horrific pain of losing a child to kidnapping, abduction, or murder. My eyes have been truly opened to the need for us as parents to teach our children the importance of staying safe early on. I am so grateful for the many parents who have been through this type of tragedy who have dedicated themselves to helping other parents.

So, if you are a blogger, I would ask you to join me and write a post so we can all join forces and get the word out about the dangers of child abduction. And take the time to check out the many resources that are available to help us in this child safety education process.

Thanks so much, DAWN

Bully-Proofing Solutions: What To Do If Your Child Is Bullied

We usually think of bullying as physical aggression such as punching, hitting, shoving, but it’s way beyond that. If your kid is being bullied or harassed that means his friend or peers are hurting him intentionally. As a result, your son or daughter feels powerless, helpless, humiliated, shamed, and hopeless about the whole situation. A bully can “attack” her victim verbally (spreading rumors), saying prejudicial comments or cruel ‘put downs’), emotionally (excluding, humiliating, hazing); as well as sexually harassment. The two biggest mistakes parents make are not taking their children’s complaints seriously and telling them to “toughen up,” and allowing it in the first place. There is no excuse for this behavior, and each and every one of us need to be on the same page to stop it. Here are a few solutions from THE BIG BOOK OF PARENTING SOLUTIONS to help you handle these rougher waters of parenting.

Take your child seriously. Bullying is frightening and humiliating at any age, so listen to your child. Don’t say: “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” “Just toughen up.” “It’ll go away.” “You’re making too big a deal out of this.” Instead, reassure your child that you believe him and will find a way to keep him safe.

Gather facts. Next, you need all the facts so you can help your kid create a plan to stop it. “What happened?” “Who did this?” “Where were you?” “Who was there?” “Were you alone?” “Has it happened before?” “How often?” “How does it start?” “What did you do?” “Do you think he’ll do it again?” “Did anyone help you?” “Did an adult see this?”

Don’t make promises. You may have to protect your child, so make no promises to keep things confidential. “I want to make sure you don’t get hurt, so I can’t guarantee I won’t tell. Let’s see what we can do so this doesn’t happen again.”

Offer specific tips for a plan of action. Most kids can’t handle bullying on their own: they need your help, so provide it. For instance: “I will pick you up after swimming. Don’t take the bus.” “Where can you play instead of by the swings?” “How can you have your books with you so you don’t have to go to your locker?” Bullying usually happens in unsupervised areas so tell your kid to be near others at lunch, recess, in hallways, near lockers, parks, or other areas. Tell your child there’s safety in numbers. “Stay with Kevin at recess.” “Sit with Josh on the bus. He’ll keep an eye out for you.” Kids who have even one friend to confide in can deal with bullying better than those on their own.

Identify a trusting adult who can help your child when you’re not around. They must take this seriously, protect your kid, and, if necessary, keep this confidential.

Create a comeback. Bullies rarely just go away, so offer ways to handle a bully if he must face him (though it’s often best to avoid him altogether). Pleading (“Please stop that”) or feeling-laden messages (“It really makes feel mad when you do that”) rarely work. Bullies want to get their victim upset, and so such comments just means they won. A firm, direct statement such as “Cut it out” or “Leave me alone” are usually best. Sometimes a humorous comeback can derail a bully: “Can you do this later?” “Now why would you say that?” or “Thanks for telling me.” Once your child agrees on a strategy, you must rehearse it until he feels confident to use it alone. A big part of success is the ability to deliver it assertively.

Teach how to use assertive body language. Research finds that kids who learn how to be assertive and appear more confident are less likely to be targeted by bullies. In fact, studies show it’s usually not how “different” your child looks or acts, but rather her insecure posture that makes her an easy target. The real secret is to help your child learn to “look assertive” and that means you can’t appear to be a doormat (when everyone walks on you) or a steamroller (you push everyone to get what you want). You want to look somewhere in between: cool and confident.

Boost self-confidence. Being bullied dramatically affects your child’s self-esteem, so find ways to boost her confidence. A few possibilities including learning martial arts, boxing, or weight-lifting. Find an avenue—such as a hobby, interest, sport, or talent–that your kid enjoys and can excel. Then help her develop the skill so her self-esteem grows. Or encourage your child to join safe kid activities at school or in the community. First, it may help your child make new friends and gain a much-needed support group; second, it will be a place of safety to go after school.

Step in when needed. If there’s ever the possibility your child could be injured–step in. Tell those directly responsible for your child like his teacher, coach, day-care worker. If you do not get assurance, go up a level: call the principal, superintendent, school board or police. If you need to meet with school officials, the bully’s parents, or law enforcement officers, keep records and evidence: torn clothing; threatening email; witness names and phone numbers and details.

Keep the lines of communication open with you child. Let him know in no uncertain terms: “You know you can always come to me.” “I’m so glad you told me.” “Let’s keep talking about what to do so you’re safe.” Above all, be vigilante, and don’t let up until your child feels safe

****************************************************************************************************************************

Dr Borba’s new book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research . The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has just been released and is now available at amazon.com

Join the forum discussion on this post - (1) Posts

« Previous Page — Next Page »