5 Things Not to Say to Your Tween Daughter

The tween years are all about developing a positive self-image, good decision-making, healthy self-discipline and better mood regulation. What you say to your tween and how you use your nonverbal language to communicate with her may have a lasting impact on her view of herself. As conflicts arise you might find yourself blurting things out that you wish you could take back. Reflect on some common parent-daughter foibles to help yourself stay on the path to positive communication with your tween.

If you catch yourself being judgmental or shaming breathe through it, after reading these five things not to say to your tween, you’ll make better choices next time.

“Your dad noticed.” Tweens can be nervous about what other people see and notice about them, especially their dads. The father-daughter relationship is an important one. Your tween’s first line of dealing with boys who become men is in the relationship between father and daughter. If a tween’s dad is going to notice things about a tween, it’s time for him to speak directly to her. The tween years can feel uncomfortable to a dad, at times. Help your husband to talk openly with your tween about her relationships, her body and her friendships. The more comfortable dad is the more comfortable your tween will be.

“I don’t like that friend.” The tween years are a time when children move from practicing in their relationships to making choices about whom to befriend and who to avoid. If you feel your tween could be making better choices in her friendships help her to identify what makes a good friend. Talk with her about what kinds of friendships make her feel happy, safe and “lifted up.” Open-ended questions that allow self-reflection and not self-judgment such as “How do you like your friends to talk with you?” and “When you share something private with a friend, what are you hoping she does with that information?” will help your tween to develop the skills to observe and reflect on her relationships and improve her decision-making skills.

“You’re too young to like a boy.” With the changes occurring in a tween’s body and brain, developing attraction to boys is a natural process. Often in fourth and fifth grade tweens begin to notice boys. Having crushes can be expected, although not required. Instead of telling your tween how she is allowed to feel guide her to develop attractions that are based on honesty, caring and compatibility. Part of the growing communications with her girlfriends will be drawing comparisons about whom they like. Encourage the freedom to feel differently than her friends without making the object of their affection out to be a “bad guy”. Discussing what they like in boys and what they do not like is the beginning of sorting out whom they will date in high school and college. The tween years are when you lay the groundwork for healthy choices and good decision making about courting behavior. Open communication is the first line to healthy decision-making and problem solving.

“I never want to hear you say that again!” As your tween begins to define herself as a person independent of how you think and feel, she’s going to say things you wish had not come out of her mouth. Instead of being directive and setting up a control struggle wonder aloud about what she meant and help her to understand that what she says in the world reflects on whom she is inside. Gentle direction will win almost every time over bossy intimidation.

“You’d be beautiful if…” You were a tween once. How did it feel when others told you to lose weight, hide your big ears or wear different clothing? Research shows that the developing self-image of a tween persists through adulthood. So help your tween love herself as she is. If she needs to get more exercise, to eat better or choose less revealing clothes, show her the path to success with loving guidance not shameful embarrassment.

Hey mom, you might be new to this whole ‘tween-thing’, your tween is as well, so open-up, talk it out and seek advice from friends you trust. You’ll get the hang of it, just as your tween will.

Bleach Baths for Eczema – Are They Right for Your Child?

Earlier this year, a study reported in Pediatrics  found a relatively inexpensive but surprisingly successful solution for children suffering eczema – a dilute bleach bath. In fact, the results were so remarkable and so quick that the Northwestern University study was terminated early so that the placebo group could benefit. On the other hand, bleach can be hazardous. So if your child is suffering from eczema, should you try a bleach bath?

Well, that depends. The study involved 31 children, all of whom had moderate to severe eczema and all who were infected with staphylococcus. That is the fact about the study that was left out of much of the news media coverage. The bleach bath was successful in treating children with chronic eczema (atopic dermatitis) infected with Staphylococcus aureaus, and only those parts of the body covered by the bath water.

Staph infections frequently accompany eczema. Some research has reported that as many as 90% of people suffering from eczema have staph on their skin, as compared to 25% of the population without eczema. A staph infection can exacerbate eczema’s symptoms.

So the dilute bleach bath makes sense. Bleach’s antibacterial property can improve a child’s skin infection from staph bacteria. Studies have found a correlation between the number of bacteria on the skin and eczema’s severity. In the study, the group used 1/2 cup of chlorine bleach in a full standard tub. After three months, 67% of those using the bleach baths reported improvement of symptoms in the areas of the body that had been submerged compared with just 15% of those who bathed in normal water.

But is it worth it? Bleach can be hazardous. The fumes and the liquid can irritate the eyes, ears, nose, mouth, throat, airways and lungs. Chlorinated household cleaners can react with other cleaners and form compounds that are toxic and/or cancer causing. One study found that chlorinated household cleaners reacting with other household cleaners can result in the formation of carcinogens chloroform and carbon tetrachloride.

Also, a bleach bath doesn’t address the cause of eczema. So it may provide relief, but won’t solve the problem. Finding what triggers eczema is a more permanent solution. While the exact cause of eczema isn’t known, it is believed to be linked to an overactive response by a body’s immune system to unknown triggers. Some people who suffer from eczema also suffer from allergies.

Generally, eczema sufferers will look for food allergies and common triggers. But what is often overlooked are reactions to beauty products, such as shampoos or washes. For example, formaldehyde can trigger allergic responses, and formaldehyde donor preservatives are common in many baby and children’s body products. Formaldehyde can also be released from easy care clothing and sheets, particularly during the warm summer months since sweat can mobilize formaldehyde. Children may also show allergic reactions to parabens, which are common preservatives in many bath products.

If you do choose to use a dilute bleach bath, make sure you consult with your child’s pediatrician first. And always store any bleach products out of reach of children.

Join the forum discussion on this post - (1) Posts

Booster Seats: Are They Old …or Tall Enough to Stop Using Them?

In NZ, the Paediatric Society believes youngsters should be kept in booster seats until they reach age 10 “to prevent horrific abdominal or neck injuries”. The Plunket Society, another NZ organization believes height rather than age should be the determining factor. The subject is under heavy debate as there is a concern as to whether or not a minimum height requirement will be more difficult to enforce than age. (Call to give kids booster seats until 10 by Mathey Dearnaley http://tinyurl.com/m9fj7a )

…And Then There’s the Joy