Counting Our Blessings: Proven Ways to Raise a Grateful Child

It’s Christmas Day…or the first night of Chanukah…or maybe it’s Thanksgiving… and your family and guests are all gathered together at your table ready for the meal to begin, but you first want folks to share their blessings. Be honest. Which scenario would best depict your reaction when it’s your children’s turn to count their blessings with the group? Would you…

A.  Beam with pride as they describe their gratitude for their life blessings?

B.   Gently remind them of things they could share?

C.   Want to die from embarrassment since your kids can’t think of anything to say?

If your kids need reminders to say “thank you”, show appreciation or take for granted thoughtful gestures, then it may be time for a gratitude makeover. Here’s another reason to do so: Studies prove that the happiest kids feel an appreciation for life—and that’s regardless of their wealth or personal circumstances. They are also more joyful, determined, optimistic, resilient, less stressed and even healthier. So if you’re a tad concerned that your kids’ attitude of gratitude needs a little boost, the good news is that science also proves there are simple strategies to do so. One of the easiest ways is by establishing family rituals where kids count their everyday blessings.

Here are a few to get you started:

• Thank You ABCs. This one is great for younger kids to do at the dinner table. You and your kids say the alphabet together but for each letter include something you are grateful for: A, Aunt Helen; B, my brother; C, my cat, and so on. Take it up a notch by explaining why they are grateful. Families with small kids rarely get beyond H, but the point is you’re having fun together and you kids are also learning to be appreciative.
• Holiday blessings. Say a prayer of thanks together before meals. Some families take turns so that each night a different member leads the prayer. Or do bedtime blessings when each child exchanges messages of appreciation for one another followed by a goodnight hug and kiss.
• Gratitude letters. Your child writes a letter to someone who has made a positive difference on his life but has probably not thanked properly in the past (such as his teacher, coach, scout master, grandparent). To maximum the impact, research says that your child should read the letter to the person face to face.
• Set limits. Having too much squelches appreciation. So fight the tendency to overindulge your child with too many things. Always giving kids what they want does not help kids learn to be grateful and appreciative of what they have.
• Gratitude journals. Another proven way to boost gratitude is by having your kids write something they feel grateful ideally four times a week and continue for at least for three weeks. Younger kids can draw or dictate things they are most grateful for; older kids can write in a diary or in a computer. Why not do so as a family?
• Thank your kids. Don’t overlook your kids’ daily thoughtful deeds. Just be sure to tell them what they did that you appreciate so they are more likely to copy your example and send their own “appreciation messages” to others.
• Expose your kids to the less fortunate. Face-to-face experiences can go a long way in helping kids appreciate their blessings. So find ways for you and your child to do charitable work (playing with kids in a homeless shelter, reading to the blind, building low-cost house, or delivering meals for the bed-ridden).

Remember, change is a process not a one-time activity. So stick to your commitment and find simple ways to help your child practice gratitude, reinforce any efforts and don’t give up until you get the desired change.

Happy New Year!

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Dr Borba’s new book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research . The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has recently been released and is now available at amazon.com

 

Their Coughing is Louder Than the Caroling: What’s a Parent to Do?

Coughing children are a big problem…especially during the holidays. They can’t sleep. They keep their already sleep-deprived parents awake. They sound dreadful. They cough so hard they barf (ick).

Every parent, at some time, comes to me desperately seeking a cure for their child’s cough. The children are usually desperate too, though after his mom told me that he had coughed for a month, one patient of mine seemed quite gleeful, exclaiming “And I have snot rockets!”

What can an exhausted parent do to help the hacking little one? Isn’t there a medicine to stop that cough?

The marketers of cough and cold medications would like you to think so. Take a tour of the cough and cold aisle in your local drugstore and you will see some very seductive terms: cough syrups are marketed as “mucolytics” (break down that disgusting thick sludge in your lungs!), “expectorants” (out, out, damn goo), and “suppressants” (STOP that painful, hacking cough.) True, “seductive” may be a strange descriptor when discussing snot, but these terms can be very tantalizing to a frantic parent whose kid is hacking up a lung.

A sure fire cough remedy, however, is not as easy to find as these product descriptions would suggest.

Though I would love to have a cure for cough, several widely cited studies have concluded that no cough syrup, whether over-the-counter (OTC) or prescription, actually works. They don’t help kids get better faster. They don’t help kids feel better. They don’t help kids (or parents) sleep through the night. Furthermore, a variety of rare but serious health problems have been associated with use of these medications in children, including death, convulsions, rapid heart rates and decreased levels of consciousness. The American Academy of Pediatric’s Committee on Drugs recommends “that parents be informed about the lack of proven effects and potential risks of cough preparations.” In other words, we should tell our patients that cough medicines don’t work and may be harmful. The American College of Chest Physicians agrees.

I once gave a mom that news that there was no immediate cure for her child’s cough. “Our family,” she said, quite irate, “cannot afford another night without sleep!” Her point was well taken: colds can cause a great deal of stress in families’ lives. So what is a desperate parent to do? Is there any remedy that will help their hacking child?

Though I can’t immediately cure most coughs, there are some helpful treatments that are safe to use for children of all ages.

• Taking a steamy shower once or twice a day can loosen the thick mucous in the nose and upper airway. Carefully holding your child’s head over a steamy pot or a vaporizer can also loosen the phlegm.
• Nasal saline drops or saline rinses can be extremely helpful. Babies will hate having water in their nose but it will loosen their mucous and after some spluttering and coughing, they will appreciate your efforts in clearing their breathing passages.
• For children over 1-year-old, honey is a delicious and effective remedy for cough: see my previous post on honey as a cough remedy for further details.
• And as with any illness, staying well hydrated will help the immune system fight the infection and can also keep the mucous loose and flowing.

In the end, it is love and time that will cure most coughs, which are usually caused by cold or flu viruses. As usual, please seek medical advice from a physician and not the internet if you have any serious concerns, especially for children who have difficulty breathing, have a persistent cough for more than two or three weeks, or who seem very sick.

Tips for Parents:

• Tried-and-true home remedies can be very helpful for relieving symptoms of colds and the flu: try honey for children over 1 year old.
• OTC cough and cold medicines do not cure children or adults when they have nasal congestion and cough. They may be helpful for short term symptom relief. And they are rarely harmful (except to the wallet) for older children and adults. But if you try them and they’re not helping, there is no need to continue to use them.
• OTC cough and cold medicines should be avoided in young children (<2 years old.).
• Read medicine bottles closely and use the measuring devices that come with them when giving children any medicine.

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Holiday Visit Safety Tips

The holiday season is in full swing and many families will be traveling to visit relatives. If your relatives do not have young children, their homes may not be child-proofed. In all the hustle and bustle of this busy time of year, distractions can easily take a parent’s attention off of young children and could place your child in danger, if safety precautions are not already in place.

Here are some tips for making your holiday visits safer for your child:

Prepare in advance

When planning your visit, ask your relatives to take some child-proofing measures to prepare for your child’s visit. Provide them with some easy ways they can child-proof, but don’t expect them to do a full, thorough childproofing job or spend money on childproofing gadgets. Easy ways to childproof include putting fragile or breakable items high out of reach, and locking away dangerous items, such as guns, lighters, and cigarettes. Cabinets with knobs can be temporarily “locked” with rubber bands wrapped around the knobs to hold them closed. Uncovered wastebaskets can be covered or put in an area inaccessible to your child. Ask your relatives what they are willing and able to do and offer to bring portable childproofing items with you, if necessary.

Pools and hot tubs

Whether a pool or hot tub is full of water or covered for winter, it is a potential danger. If your relative has either, you need to make sure your child cannot access the pool area or hot tub. Check to see what safety measures are already in place (fence, locked gate, alarm, etc) and always keep an eye on your child while outside.

Pets

If your relative has pets, it is important to never allow your child to be alone with them. Young children should never be left alone with any animal, whether the animal is familiar with the child or not. Even the most docile, sweet-natured pet can cause serious injury if it feels threatened or protective of its territory. A young child may innocently pull on fur or a tail, or try to eat a pet’s food and be attacked for it. Make sure any interaction with your relative’s pets and your child is closely supervised at all times.

Alcohol

Holiday parties often include alcoholic beverages. If children are around, it is imperative to keep all alcohol out of their reach. It takes very little alcohol to poison a small child. Ask relatives and friends to keep an eye on their own drink and keep it away from your child.

Medications

You most likely have all medications out of your child’s reach at your own home, but your relatives without kids may be used to leaving frequently used medications on a counter or on a low shelf. Ask them to temporarily put all medications up high, out of sight and reach of your child. A common place for kids to find medications is in the purse of a relative. Kids may think they are finding mints or candy. Make sure purses are kept out of reach, especially if they contain medicine or any other dangerous item, such as a lighter.

Plants

Some household plants can cause stomach upset if ingested, and some are poisonous. If your relative has plants, ask if they can be temporarily put out of reach of your child.

Supervision

Above all else, the best childproofing tip is to keep a close eye on your child. No amount of childproofing can fully replace adequate adult supervision. This is especially true in an unfamiliar, non-childproofed environment. Do not assume that because there may be several adults around that your child is safe. Too often, when there are several people gathered for a party or visit, each person assumes another is watching the kids when in reality no one may be paying close enough attention to them.

Taking preventative safety measures in advance of and during your trip can make it safer for your child and more enjoyable for everyone. If your relatives work with you to make their home a safe environment for your child, be sure to thank them for their help!

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