Moms: Stop Fears Before They Start

It’s part of a mom’s job to watch over her children’s health and wellness. And when kids don’t feel well, we nurture them back to health as best we can.

But have you ever heard your child cough once and wondered if it’s something serious? Sometimes a small concern can quickly escalate into feelings of real fear. If this sounds familiar, there are steps you can take to avoid making yourself sick with worry — for your sake and your child’s.

“Children are very sensitive to mom’s mood,” says Betsy Cetnarowski, a certified child life specialist at Akron Children’s Hospital in Ohio. “So when mom is anxious, it can make kids anxious as well.”

Check out these strategies for managing fears that come with being the No. 1 caretaker for your child’s health.

1. Talk to your pediatrician. It’s important to arm yourself with information. Instead of putting energy into worrying about what could be going on, call your pediatrician about your child’s symptoms. “They will either allay your fears or say, ‘That does sound serious, come in,’” says Los Angeles marriage and family therapist Tiffany Howsam. “It’s OK to ask questions, including where to get more information.”  Just beware of consulting Dr. Google, warns Howsam. If you’re already feeling anxious and you start looking up symptoms, you’re bound to find something to confirm your fears, even if it’s an extremely rare case. “Speak to your doctor instead,” she urges.
2. Stay in the present. Unless you have a crystal ball, you can’t see the future — and you shouldn’t even try. “When you start thinking about what might happen,” warns Howsam, “you can go into a downward spiral. If your child has a low fever, that doesn’t mean it’s the first sign of an untreatable disease.” Find out the facts from a professional before making any conclusions.
3. Do a reality check. Distinguish the difference between fearful feelings and measurable facts. “Ask yourself, ‘Is this true?’” advises Howsam. “Learn to catch yourself and identify when you’re catastrophizing.”
4. Take a breather. “Find a quiet place to sit for five minutes, relax and focus on your breath as it goes in and out,” says Howsam. If your mind wanders, just bring it back to the breath. Stick with it. You’ll find that you can redirect your thoughts and calm yourself.
5. Make a list. If you notice your nerves getting out of control, you may be dwelling on one negative detail and disqualifying the positive signs of health or recovery. Write down five positive things about your child’s health — for example, he has a good appetite, his fever is going down, he’s energetic or he’s sleeping better. If you feel yourself heading down that road of negativity, just look at your list for some reassurance,” says Howsam.
6. Focus on the familiar. One way to comfort yourself is to concentrate on making your child feel more comfortable. “If you are going to a doctor’s office, bring books or toys from home,” says Cetnarowski. “Doing something familiar while you’re waiting will not only help your child, it’ll also help you feel safer.”
7. Be prepared. If your child does need to be tested or treated, find out exactly what’s going to happen, gathering all the details of necessary procedures. “After all,” says Cetnarowski, “the unknown is often scarier than the reality.”

A Pediatrician’s Guide to Potty Training

The Problem:

One of the most frustrating and exasperating experiences of parenthood is the socialization process of potty training their children. This is a function unique to human beings and distinguishes the very first level of independence for both the child and the parent who now is no longer tied to the ever present diaper bag. Somewhere along the way, the thought of having a child not yet potty trained by the age of eighteen months or even younger has been viewed as being an “abnormal” developmental milestone and poor parenting performance. I’m not sure exactly how this occurred, but conversely, a child potty trained at an early age demands respect for him/her and his/her parents. Of course the non-need for diapers is a well deserved and less expensive rest for parents who have been struggling through the “diaper game” for at least the past year. But, just as children acquire speech at different ages, walk at different times, get their teeth in different order, so it is that not all children are emotionally or physically able to be toilet trained at the same age. There is a wide range of “normal variability” and parents need to understand that, contrary to what they are told by “friends” whose children were toilet trained at a young age, their child may not be ready yet.

As usual, there are a lot of brain neurons and cells that need to make the correct connections in order to coordinate “complicated” functions. This takes time and may be the deciding factor in determining when to begin the process of toilet training. We have all heard stories from well meaning and bragging parents who claim to have toilet trained their children by the age of one year old; and this may very well have been the case in one particular circumstance- perhaps by chance- but it certainly does not represent the norm. More parents who attempt to toilet train their young toddlers find it to be a very frustrating experience, fraught with feelings of guilt over their inability to complete their mission at this time.

The Fix:

There are many formulae for both rapid and slow methods of potty training a child. I have found through the years that a relatively simple and guilt free approach is the best. This is what works for me:

1. Do not attempt much of an effort prior to the age of two years old. It could even wait longer depending on the societal pressure a parent feels.
2. When your child is “ready”, sit him/her on the potty seat for about 1 minute per day with his/her clothes on, hopefully at the time of day your child has a bowel movement.
3. Be sure that the child’s feet are not dangling in the air but are given a platform from which to “push off”. Use of the correct muscles for defecation requires a solid base.
4. If your child is fearful of just sitting on the potty, back off and try again a month later.
5. Once your child is comfortable sitting fully clothed on the potty seat for a minute a day over a 2 week period of time , take his/her clothes off and begin again one minute a day (around the time of bowel movements) until he/she is comfortable.
6. At this point take all his/her clothes off and do the process all over again.
7. Reward your child with something of “value” just for the process of getting on the potty, not for only a productive visit.
8. At this point let him/her follow you (and other cooperative family members) around to the bathroom and observe the “correct method”.
9. If he/she is wearing a diaper at this time, and has a bowel movement in the diaper, quietly take him/her to the bathroom, empty the products of defecation into the toilet and show him/her graphically where such a deposit is supposed to go. Calmly put the diaper back on, pick him/her up and hug.
10. Time to raise the stakes and increase the value of the “reward” if your child should do everything you have been teaching for the past 2 months.
11. Don’t forget that washing one’s hands is also part of the process.

Be patient, remain calm, no punishments but reward, reward, reward for appropriate behavior and stop getting on the internet or speaking to your friends and family about the topic. There is no relationship to the time of potty training done correctly and any disruption of normal behavior or activity in otherwise healthy children. This too will pass.

My Roller Coaster Kid: Calm Things Down and Enjoy the Ride

Up and down, over and under, so the roller coaster goes. Are you worn out just thinking about it?

Life with an intense child is like a ride on a roller coaster, some moments are thrilling, others calm, still others fear-inducing. Intense kids feel so powerfully, they see more, hear more acutely and feel more deeply. Of course, they have to share all of it with you, ’cause life can be just so overwhelming. It’s almost like in their meltdowns and fits they say, “Here Mom, hold this.” Meaning, hold my pain, suffering and overload for a moment while I try to gather myself together.

What seems like a behavioral issue to many, the school, your parents, (you know what I’m sayin’) is more likely a problem of brain mediation than willful non-compliance.

You see, children want to be calm and happy. Evolution encourages children to strive – to live well, be loved and thrive. When children are willful, obstinate, unhappy or anxious, this is not their healthiest state. Their behavior and mood signal an imbalance in their body and brain.

So what can you do about it?

1. Know that the limbic brain is older and in the case of intense kids, momentarily more powerful than the frontal lobes. So plan for those amygdala melt-downs and prepare calming strategies with your child ahead of time. Talk about the times they feel like they are going to lose it and ask them if you can help by offering some pre-planned calming solutions like taking a walk, a bath or a bike ride. Consider calming music from advancedbrain.com (sound health) or calmmeforhealing.com.
2. Know that food and nutrition matter. Remember, it is not what you eat but what your body assimilates that is important. Consider whole food pharmaceutical grade vitamins, a transition to whole food and protein at each meal to help your child’s brain have better access to healthy nutrients.
3. If you need more help see a developmental pediatrician, pediatric psychologist or neuropsychologist who specializes in cognitive and limbic calming strategies. Meditation, yoga and brain exercises can help increase neuronal connections thus harnessing the power of the Thinker to manage the Caveman.

Intense kids are creative, intelligent and lovable, you just have to plan for the squall…after all living on the coast is beautiful, it just storms sometimes

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This post reflects Dr Kenney’s “The Family Coach Method” used in practice for a number of years, and released for publication just this past September. The Family Coach Method is ‘rug-level,’ friendly and centered on the concept of families as a winning team – with dozens of age-appropriate sample conversations and problem solving scenarios to guide a family to the desired place of mutual respect, shared values and strengths. The goal is to help children to develop the life skills, judgment and independence that can help them navigate the challenges of an increasingly complex world. The Family Coach Method is also being taught as an Educational Series where parents can join with other moms and dads in live calls with Dr Kenney.

How to use antibiotics safely and wisely

Since the first discovery of penicillin, antibiotics have been a useful and beneficial tool in fighting a wide variety of bacterial infections. But antibiotics must be used wisely and safely and only used when medically necessary in order to get the most benefit from them. For the last decade or more, health care professionals have been concerned because antibiotics have been over-prescribed, overused and misused for so long that many of them are losing their ability to fight illnesses. Many types of bacteria have already become resistant to some of the older “first-generation” antibiotics making them almost useless against some illnesses. New antibiotics are being developed but bacteria can adapt and become resistant to them to them too, if they are not used carefully. Doctors are trying to their part to stop antibiotics from being overused by not prescribing them unnecessarily. We can help, too, by learning more about these “miracle drugs” and how to use them properly and safely.

What Do Antibiotics Do?

Antibiotics fight bacteria. (Think of them as “bacteria-busters”!) There are many different kinds of bacteria that cause many different illnesses. Because of the wide variety of bacteria, there is also a wide variety of antibiotics that have been developed to treat them. When your doctor diagnoses a bacterial infection she will determine which antibiotic is appropriate for that particular infection.

If your doctor diagnoses a bacterial infection, ask her if it is absolutely necessary to use an antibiotic. Some bacterial infections can be cleared up without antibiotics when under a doctor’s supervision. For example, antibiotics used to be routinely and automatically prescribed for ear infections in young children. However, research has shown that many of these infections can heal on their own without antibiotics as long as a doctor is monitoring the infection. Talk with your doctor about the necessity of using an antibiotic, the pro’s and con’s of using one versus not using it, then follow her advice and directions.

Not all infections are bacterial. Most common, minor illnesses are caused by viruses. Viral and bacterial infections may share some of the same symptoms but they are very different infections and must be treated differently. If your doctor diagnoses a viral infection, it is unwise to pressure her into giving you a prescription for an antibiotic because antibiotics are useless against viruses. It would be a waste of money and would contribute to the problem of resistant bacteria due to antibiotic misuse.

When You or Your child is Prescribed an Antibiotic

The questions that you need to ask your doctor include:

• The name of the medicine (both brand name and generic name)
• The amount to be given (dosage)
• The times to be given (schedule)
• Possible side effects
• Potential drug interactions with any other medicine you are taking
• When to call or come back in if symptoms have not improved

Be sure that the doctor is aware of any other medications (including over-the-counter medications and herbal supplements) that are being used. If the antibiotic is for your child, ask about the taste and if it can be mixed with juice or food to disguise a bad taste. (We have been blessed with a pediatrician who tastes tests medicines so he can be honest with his patients about whether they are yucky or not. And if he has a choice of what to prescribe, he gives them the best tasting one.)

When You Go to the Pharmacy

Ask the pharmacist to give you written instructions on:

• When to take the medicine (schedule)
• How long you need to take it for (most of the time you will continue until all of the antibiotic is gone)
• How much to take (dosage)
• Side effects

Also ask whether or not the medicine:

• Can be taken with or without food
• Needs to be refrigerated
• Needs to be shaken well (if a liquid)
• Can be mixed with food or liquid to disguise a bad taste

Make sure the name of the medicine and the amount and times to be given on the label match what your doctor told you. Liquid medications need to be measured precisely, ask for a measuring device if you don’t have one. If other medications/supplements are being used, tell the pharmacist and ask about drug interactions. Some medications can be dangerous when mixed.

Taking or Giving the Antibiotic at Home

When giving or taking the antibiotic at home, make sure to stick as closely as possible to the scheduled times. If a dose is missed, do not double dose. If it is almost time for the next dose, then do not take the skipped dose, just take the next one on time. If it is still a few hours until the next dose, take the skipped one and then adjust the time to take the next one accordingly. If two or more doses have been skipped, call your doctor for instructions. Always call the doctor or pharmacist if you have questions.

Be sure to use a medication measuring cup, dropper, or oral syringe for liquid medications. Kitchen teaspoons and tablespoons can vary widely so don’t use them to measure medicine. (I wonder how many times we got the wrong dose when our moms gave us medicine using kitchen spoons?) Do not cut pills in half or crush them unless you have been told to or have checked with the pharmacist first because it could alter the effectiveness. Do not mix the antibiotic with juice, milk, or anything else to make it taste better unless the pharmacist says that it is okay to do so because certain antibiotics have to be taken on an empty stomach. Also, calcium and vitamin C can lessen the effectiveness of some antibiotics.

Always finish all of the prescribed antibiotic unless the doctor has instructed otherwise. Just because the symptoms may be alleviated after a few doses and you feel better, it does not mean that the infection is completely gone. Not finishing an antibiotic allows the remaining bacteria to learn how to adapt to the antibiotic and become resistant against it.

Side Effects

Common side effects of most antibiotics include: mild diarrhea, nausea, abdominal discomfort, and headaches. All antibiotics have the potential for side effects but that does not mean that every person will have the same ones. Most of the time, side effects are mild. If you have side effects that are moderate to severe, contact your doctor or pharmacist. Don’t stop using the medication without checking first. If your doctor instructs you to stop taking the medicine before it is finished, throw out the remaining amount. Do not save it for another illness.

Storing Antibiotics

Keep antibiotics (and, of course, all other medications) out of the reach of children. Put them in a cool, dry, dark, safe place or if it needs refrigeration, put it on the highest refrigerator shelf. Bathroom medicine cabinets are exposed to too much humidity which can lessen the effectiveness of some antibiotics.

If you have leftover antibiotics in your medicine cabinet, do not use them. Using or giving an antibiotic to one person that has been prescribed for another person can be very dangerous, even life-threatening. You would not have a full course of treatment and the antibiotic may not even be effective against the specific bacteria causing your illness. Instead, ask your pharmacist how to properly dispose of any leftover antibiotic. Do not throw any medicine in the trash because small children and pets could have access to them there.

When All the Medicine is Gone

Hopefully you will be feeling much better by the time you have finished all of your antibiotic. If, however, your symptoms haven’t cleared up and you are still feeling sick, call your doctor. She may want you to come back in for a re-check visit or she may call in a different, stronger antibiotic for you.

These guidelines are of a general nature and not intended to replace the advice and supervision of your physician or pharmacist.

Biting!!

Your beloved child is in a school situation for the first time and you’re just as proud as can be that there were no major hitches and life goes on in a relatively uncomplicated manner. You’ve received good reports from his/her teachers and you have looked over the Picasso-like paintings and drawings he/she has faithfully brought home to you. Life is good!

Just then word reaches you. He/she has done what??? Did you say bite someone in the class? You ask with incredulity. That just can’t be, not our little baby; it has never happened at home… unless you count the time he/she bit the dog’s tail and received a growl as a reward and warning at the same time. But there it was just wagging in his/her little face, and what’s a little person going to do, commands to the pet do not even work when the adults try to enforce Rover’s poor manners. A bite seems to get a lot of attention from the pet and parents alike- seems like a good plan!

In fact, biting another individual does indeed get a lot of attention and a certain amount of infantile pleasure at having the capacity and strength to cause such an immediate reaction. Gee, just can’t think of anything that works better; of course a dirty diaper can get a similar reaction but not as dramatic, and when you consider the discomfort of sitting in that mess for a period of time before it is noticed, it sure isn’t the best method. So, call it readily accessible weapons, or the need for immediate gratification, but your child has found out the age old secret and is trying it on some unsuspecting child of his or her approximate size and strength.

OK, that’s the facts, now what can you do about it? Well, the first thing is not to bite back- we would expect that of the dog but not of a parent. After all if he/she urinated on you just after dressing for the day would you turn around and reciprocate? Of course not so we need to develop a method that is civilized, explanatory, and requires some punishment if it persists.

First of all, I’ve found that you need to catch the child in the act, but if my experience holds true, the little devil will attempt this at home at some point. There are no studies to support my method of dealing with this issue except the good responses I receive from parents who are only too happy to stop this habit- FAST! There must be an immediate loud, forceful verbal “NO” (which it is almost impossible to suppress) followed in short order by a light flick to the side of the lips/mouth with one of your fingers. I’ve found this to be shocking enough for an immediate release to occur, but not forceful enough to cause any local damage. Your child will get the picture fairly quickly that this behavior is certainly something that should not and will not be repeated. Stick with it parents, it won’t take long and the problem will be gone.

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