Potty Training: Ready and Willing

Had enough of potty training advice lately? It seems no matter where you turn these days, you’re faced with 5 easy steps to potty train your child, your child can be potty trained in 3 days, or potty training made easy. There are several different styles and methods to choose from. It’s like going shopping, except less fun and it can get messy.

So, why you ask, am I contributing to the potty training advice overload? Well, let’s just consider this not so much advice, as simply my point of view that may or may not help you in your potty training endeavors.

I like to keep things simple. So much of parenting these days can be laborious and challenging, why not simplify if you can? My approach to potty training is pretty straight forward: wait until your child is ready and keep it low key. I don’t mean to sound trite here or to oversimplify. I truly believe that waiting until your child shows signs that he is both physically and emotionally ready to use the toilet independently, will save both you and your child much frustration.

How will I know when my child is ready?

• He likes to mimic you
• He shows interest in and can dress and undress himself
• He tells you when he has to go pee or poop
• He stays dry for long periods of time
• He has shown interest in using the toilet
• He takes pride in his independence

These are just a few of the readiness signs your child may exhibit. Remember that your child’s temperament plays a big role. My son needed more of a nudge, while my daughter practically potty trained herself. The common thread was that I started at a time when they both seemed amenable to the idea of using the potty. This happened at around age 3 and a half for my son and before the age of 3 for my daughter.

Now that you and your child are ready to give this a try, here are my tips on how to keep it low key:

• Take frequent potty breaks
• Encourage but don’t punish
• Let him run around sans diaper and expect some dribbles here and there
• Realize that success does not happen overnight
• If needed, create a reward chart
• Dress him in clothes that are easy to pull up and down
• Don’t be afraid to abandon ship and try again later if the frustration starts to build
• Realize that going poop in the potty can take longer to master and that’s okay. Let him have that pull up for poop time.

In my experience, the key to potty training success is patience and following your child’s lead. Try not to get boxed in by thinking your child has to be potty trained by a certain age. As with other childhood milestones, there is no magic age number. There are only ranges.

This low key approach may or may not be your parenting style. That is for you to determine. As with most parenting issues we face, only you know what will work best for you and your child. Just remember to keep the big picture in sight: your child will not always be donning those diapers. Soon enough, the days of diaper changes and sippy cups will only remain as bittersweet memories of his childhood.

A Pediatrician’s Guide to Potty Training

The Problem:

One of the most frustrating and exasperating experiences of parenthood is the socialization process of potty training their children. This is a function unique to human beings and distinguishes the very first level of independence for both the child and the parent who now is no longer tied to the ever present diaper bag. Somewhere along the way, the thought of having a child not yet potty trained by the age of eighteen months or even younger has been viewed as being an “abnormal” developmental milestone and poor parenting performance. I’m not sure exactly how this occurred, but conversely, a child potty trained at an early age demands respect for him/her and his/her parents. Of course the non-need for diapers is a well deserved and less expensive rest for parents who have been struggling through the “diaper game” for at least the past year. But, just as children acquire speech at different ages, walk at different times, get their teeth in different order, so it is that not all children are emotionally or physically able to be toilet trained at the same age. There is a wide range of “normal variability” and parents need to understand that, contrary to what they are told by “friends” whose children were toilet trained at a young age, their child may not be ready yet.

As usual, there are a lot of brain neurons and cells that need to make the correct connections in order to coordinate “complicated” functions. This takes time and may be the deciding factor in determining when to begin the process of toilet training. We have all heard stories from well meaning and bragging parents who claim to have toilet trained their children by the age of one year old; and this may very well have been the case in one particular circumstance- perhaps by chance- but it certainly does not represent the norm. More parents who attempt to toilet train their young toddlers find it to be a very frustrating experience, fraught with feelings of guilt over their inability to complete their mission at this time.

The Fix:

There are many formulae for both rapid and slow methods of potty training a child. I have found through the years that a relatively simple and guilt free approach is the best. This is what works for me:

1. Do not attempt much of an effort prior to the age of two years old. It could even wait longer depending on the societal pressure a parent feels.
2. When your child is “ready”, sit him/her on the potty seat for about 1 minute per day with his/her clothes on, hopefully at the time of day your child has a bowel movement.
3. Be sure that the child’s feet are not dangling in the air but are given a platform from which to “push off”. Use of the correct muscles for defecation requires a solid base.
4. If your child is fearful of just sitting on the potty, back off and try again a month later.
5. Once your child is comfortable sitting fully clothed on the potty seat for a minute a day over a 2 week period of time , take his/her clothes off and begin again one minute a day (around the time of bowel movements) until he/she is comfortable.
6. At this point take all his/her clothes off and do the process all over again.
7. Reward your child with something of “value” just for the process of getting on the potty, not for only a productive visit.
8. At this point let him/her follow you (and other cooperative family members) around to the bathroom and observe the “correct method”.
9. If he/she is wearing a diaper at this time, and has a bowel movement in the diaper, quietly take him/her to the bathroom, empty the products of defecation into the toilet and show him/her graphically where such a deposit is supposed to go. Calmly put the diaper back on, pick him/her up and hug.
10. Time to raise the stakes and increase the value of the “reward” if your child should do everything you have been teaching for the past 2 months.
11. Don’t forget that washing one’s hands is also part of the process.

Be patient, remain calm, no punishments but reward, reward, reward for appropriate behavior and stop getting on the internet or speaking to your friends and family about the topic. There is no relationship to the time of potty training done correctly and any disruption of normal behavior or activity in otherwise healthy children. This too will pass.

Potty Training an Autistic Child

Raising an autistic child comes with a lot of challenges. One of the biggest ones that I have faced with my ten year old son is potty training. I would read books and articles on the subject. I would go around the internet and ask questions on different social networks. In the end, I had to customize a program just for my son.

There are several different methods that are recommended for children diagnosed with autism who are having difficulty being potty trained. If your child is autistic, it doesn’t automatically mean you will have difficulties or may never be able to potty train your child. Each child is different, but there is a high percentage of autistic children that have a hard time with this skill.

One method is using a schedule. I used this method for several years, but did not have any success. I would take my son to the bathroom at the same time throughout the day, every day. His school would do the same thing. It didn’t promote independence in toileting skills, in fact, it made him more dependent on us. I have heard from other parents that using this method with their child led to independence. As I said earlier, each child is different.

Another method is the reward system. I tried this method, also. It didn’t work. I tried picture exchange (since my son is nonverbal), it didn’t work. At ten years of age, my son was still in pull-ups. Finally, I came up with the right method that my son would respond to. It was reward and punish (or give and take-away). I explained to him what we were doing and why. If he wet his pull-up, he would have one of his favorite items taken away. If he went to the bathroom without being told, he got an item back. If he went a whole day, completely independent and no accidents, he received a special reward of his choosing.

It took two weeks of reminding him to stay dry, but not telling him to go to the bathroom, before he started to make great progress. He would have days that he would lose all of his things and he would try to earn them back the next day. Around the third week, he started to go a complete day without an accident. By the fourth, he was out of pull-ups completely, no verbal reminders were needed, and trips out in public were accomplished without accidents, too.

The key was to find the right motivation for our son. I knew he was ready to be potty trained a long time ago. The problem was that he didn’t want to be. Once he started losing things that he loves, he realized that it was easier to go along with what he was being asked. Now that he is fully potty trained, he is so much happier. No more awful rashes that require medication to clear up. No more smelly pull-ups. No matter how old your child is, don’t give up. It is never too late for your child to be potty trained. You just have to find the right method and motivation for your child. There are other methods that have worked with children with autism. I have not listed them all. This is because I feel that the best method needs to come from what works best with your child. You are the best judge of that.