Be a Parent and Not a Referee: Simple Tips to End the Fighting

It’s the soundtrack to parenthood: the battles, the bickering, the rivalries. Mom- she’s touching me! He’s looking out my window! Tell her to get out of my room! Even on the best of days these sibling squabbles can make you want to pull your hair out. Add in busy schedules and mounting stress and coming home to conflict and contention can just be too much to handle. So what can you do when your living room more closely resembles a war zone rather than the relaxing retreat that it should be?

Though you can’t force your siblings to be best friends, you can get a handle on their squabbles and create a (relatively) harmonious home.

As you probably know already, just saying ‘You kids stop your fighting!’ isn’t going to cut it. Kids respond to firm boundaries and clear cut directives. So what you have to do is lay out some non-negotiable rules and enforce them…period.

There are four simple house rules that will result in a (temporary, at least) cease-fire on all the fighting. The key to successful implementation: consistency, consistency, consistency! (Did I say consistency?)

No yelling. Instate a ‘vow of yellibacy’ in your house and enforce it. When tempers flare and feelings are hurt, the volume decimal tends to rise, causing arguments to quickly escalate and get out of hand. Just remember: the ‘no yelling’ rule isn’t only for the kids, it goes for you too. Parents have to set the example for staying calm and collected when they are upset or angry as well. This should be rule number one. All family members must use calm voices only—no yelling allowed. And if talks get heated, anyone can make a time-out hand sign hinting that he needs to cool down. When cooler heads prevail, arguments get resolved much more quickly and in a way that is less stressful for everyone.

No taking without asking. Property ownership can be a BIG deal to little ones, and the time honored “Mooom, she’s touching my stuff!” complaint can be frequent in multi-child households. This can be a particularly touchy issue for tweens and teens- especially if there is a younger sibling in the house. Older siblings can get pretty upset when their iPods and laptops are confiscated by tiny sticky (literally!) fingers. Insist that permission of the owner must be granted before borrowing, using, or taking any property. Not only will this cut down on the conflict, but it will also make it easier to resolve any arguments that may come up. If permission was not asked for and granted, then you know who broke the rule. Simple as that.

No hurtful behaviors. With bullies and mean girls running the schools, it’s important that you set the standard for you home to be a safe haven for your kids. It should be a place free from hurtful behaviors. Set a strict policy: name-calling and hitting will not be tolerated, under and circumstances and they will result in a consequence. Tolerating hurtful behavior inside your home only encourages your kids to display it when you aren’t around as well- and that’s not a character trait any parent wants to encourage. This rule should stand for each child in your home, no matter what age they are. The consequences may differ according to the age group: for a younger child, a display of hurtful behavior will result in a time-out. If your child is older, then it means the loss of a privilege. While hitting and hurtful words are sure to happen when it comes to siblings, it’s up to you to make them understand that you will not tolerate it under any circumstance.

No involvement without evidence. If you are the parent of siblings, you’ve probably also spent a good deal of time playing referee. Kids are quick to run to a parent’s aid to help settle their disagreements and if you weren’t a witness to the incident itself, then it can be hard to know exactly what to do. Borba says you should get involved in the conflict only if you actually saw or heard it occur. This will help to keep you neutral and will encourage your kids to adopt strategies to help them work things out for themselves. If your kids seek your help, but you don’t have any evidence, then step away. Instead, suggest that they use Rock, Paper, Scissors to work out their problem. This prevents you from having to choose sides or take one kid’s word over another’s—and it will also teach them to work things out for themselves. After all, you won’t always be there to help them resolve their problems, so it’s better that they acquire the skills at home so they are ready when the time comes.

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Dr Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, is one of the most comprehensive parenting book for kids 3 to 13. This down-to-earth guide offers advice for dealing with children’s difficult behavior and hot button issues including biting, tantrums, cheating, bad friends, inappropriate clothing, sex, drugs, peer pressure and much more. Each of the 101 challenging parenting issues includes specific step-by-step solutions and practical advice that is age appropriate based on the latest research . The Big Book of Parenting Solutions has recently been released and is now available at amazon.com

Simple Tips to Prevent Childhood Obesity

I am always skeptical of easy fixes.

If a diet or a product or a book claims that they will have astounding results with little pain, my first instinct is to run in the other direction.

However, a study that will be published in March in the journal Pediatrics looks at risk factors for obesity and has three simple bits of advice that I think are worth following.

1. Eat with your family.
2. Decrease TV time.
3. Get more sleep.

Simple, right?

But are these recommendations really so simple? If so, why aren’t we all doing them?

Our lives are busy and some families do have difficulty intergrating consistent mealtimes during a week filled with work and kids activities. Parents allow their children to watch a lot of TV and playing video games and spend hours on the computer for a variety of reasons, including their children’s insistence and their fatigue at fighting and limit setting. And bedtimes creep later when kids fight and scream and yell and refuse to go to bed, and parents just don’t have the energy to fight it.

But making little steps towards these goals can really be a game changer for your family, and for your kids health now and in the future. According to one of the authors of the Pediatrics study, children who practiced all three of these behaviors had a 40% lower risk of obesity than those who did not.

So try it.  This week…

…Eat one more meal with your family than you usually do.

…Make some rules for kids about “screen time”. And enforce them. Every time.

…And put your kids to bed earlier: maybe start 15 minutes earlier, and go from there.

…And while you’re at it, put yourself to bed a little earlier too.   Sweet dreams….

Tips for parents:

To keep your family healthy and decrease your risk of obesity:

• Eat family meals together more than five times a week.
• Limit your children to no more than 1 hour of screen time on weekdays, and less than 2 hours on weekends.
• Aim for 10 1/2 hours of sleep for young and school-aged children.

Teaching Your Child The Fine Art of Swallowing Pills and Capsules

For any parent, getting children to take their medication can be a frustrating experience. The flavor of a liquid such as Prednisone may be off putting to a child. You worry about spilling liquid medications or dosing accurately. That’s why I find that teaching children as early as possible to swallow a pill or capsule to be a wise idea.

You may wonder “Why worry about teaching my child how to swallow a pill or capsule now?”

First, some medications only come in solid form. To be honest, there aren’t many but there are a few.

Second, pills and tablets are much easier to travel with and don’t require refrigeration. Think about toting around that bottle of antibiotic next summer on your trip to the Bahamas. Not fun!

Third, you will never have to worry about spilling or dripping a liquid again. Plus the dosing on a pill is accurate. How many times have you gotten to the bottom of the bottle of liquid medication and not had the full teaspoon?

In my experience, children as young as age 3 or 4 can learn to swallow a pill. I taught my own daughter who was not yet 3 to swallow pills. While a few teens can’t seem to master the skill, children are quick learners and repetition and patience along with some simple tips can help if you start children young.

It’s also a good idea to teach your child these techniques before they really need them. A sick little child is not great student!

WHAT YOU WILL NEED

• Multi-colored round candy balls called mixed decors found in the cake-decorating section of a supermarket
• Tic Tacs (I think the fruit flavor works best)
• Mini M&M’s
• Reese’s Pieces or M&M’s

THE TECHNIQUE

• Start with the smallest candy ball from the cake decorating kit. Explain to your child that you are going to teach him a simple way to learn to swallow pills and that it starts with learning to swallow candy balls. (Now is a good time to explain that medication is NOT candy but that you are using candy because it is an easy substitute. Explain that you should NEVER take medicine without permission of Mom or Dad.)
• Parent should demonstrate by putting a single candy ball as far back on your tongue as possible, use the straw technique, and take three gulps of water.
• Tell your child it’s their turn. Also tell them that if the candy doesn’t go down the first time, they have to try at least two more times. If it doesn’t go down by the third try, they can chew the candy ball and take a break before trying again.
• Repeat this until they get comfortable with a candy ball, usually about three successful tries. Then move up to a slightly larger candy (I like to use the bigger cake decorating sprinkles, then move up to mini M&M’s) and repeat the procedure until there is success at this level.
• After three to five successes with the mini M&M’s, move up to a larger candy like an M&M or Reese’s pieces. After they have mastered that, compare it to a pill size wise. At this point they should be able to swallow most pills with minimum problems.
• Remember to limit the “session’ to 15 minutes. This will be a Process that requires days, perhaps weeks depending on your child.

SOME TIPS

• Have your child take a few sips of water before beginning. It is very difficult to swallow a pill or tablet with a dry throat.
• These tips works best if your child is thirsty. He/She may be drinking quite a bit, practicing their pill swallowing technique.
• Session should last no more than 15 minutes and be fun.
• Room should be free from distractions. Leave toys in another room and turn of the television. 
• Stay calm and positive.
• Be patient, this is a task that will require some time.
• Demonstrate pill swallowing to your child in matter of fact way. When they see you do it calmly they will want to emulate you.
• Use lots of Positive Praise! Avoid negativity. This is not going to motivate your child to learn to swallow pills/tablets.
• Be consistent.
• Have your child put the pill on his/her tongue. Then using a straw, suck down three big gulps of water. With a straw there is no pill floating around in your mouth like there is if you just try to swallow a pill with a big mouthful of water.
• If water isn’t working try milk, a fruit smoothie, Pediasure, a milkshake, or fruit juice or nectar. Thicker fluids create more bulk, making it harder for the pill to separate itself from the fluid during swallowing.
• Always end with a success. If your child has difficulty swallowing a large piece of candy, end by having him swallow a smaller piece or even a gulp of liquid. Always end on a positive note.
• When swallowing a pill, have your child tilt their head back slightly. With capsules (which float), you do just the opposite. Have your child look down at the floor and swallow the capsule while still looking downward at the floor. The capsule should just float to the back of his mouth and slide down his throat with his drink.
• Make sure you have your child place the pill or capsule in the center of their tongue rather than to the right or left, especially if they are going to be swallowing an oval-shaped pill. An oval-shaped pill should be placed so that the length is parallel to their throat. Otherwise, the pill may go into the throat “sideways” and create discomfort.

DON’T

• Don’t break a tablet in half if it is too large. When you do this the rough edges can be scratchy and even more difficult to swallow than a larger smooth tablet.
• Don’t take pills with a dry mouth. It’s more difficult to swallow when your mouth is dry, and capsules and tablets may even stick to a dry tongue.
• Don’t bargain or bribe your child. After all you don’t bargain or bribe your child to brush his or her teeth or comb their hair. This is a skill they WILL learn. It just takes time and patience.

The techniques I shared with you should help you, help your child become proficient at swallowing pills and tablets. This is a skill that is a necessary part of life and when learned early can really be a very handy tool for a child to possess.

Remember to be consistent, patient and use positive praise and these techniques will have your child swallowing pills, tablets and capsules in a reasonably short time!

Shopping cart safety

While shopping at the grocery store, it’s quite common to see young children climbing on and standing up in shopping carts. Although safety belts have been available for many years on most shopping carts, there are still an estimated 21,400 children under the age of five who are treated in U.S. emergency rooms every year because of injuries sustained from shopping carts. Most of these injuries are head injuries due to falls from not being properly restrained in the child seat of the cart.

Most children love to climb and do not enjoy sitting still for long periods of time. So parents face the challenge of keeping their kids restrained and entertained while shopping and may be tempted to let them climb on the cart or ride in the basket just to keep them happy. Or a child may get out of the restraint belt while mom or dad is preoccupied with shopping. So how do you keep your little one safe while you shop?

Here are some tips to help.

Always use the seat belt/safety strap

Children who are properly restrained in the child seat of a shopping cart are much less likely to fall out of the cart so make it a rule that if your child is in the cart, the strap has to be fastened securely. This should be non-negotiable with your child, just as seat belts and car seats in the car are a non-negotiable rule when riding in the car. Infants who are not able to sit up without assistance should not sit in a shopping cart seat unless it has a built-in infant seat with a harness restraint system. Never allow kids to climb on the cart or ride in the basket. Older children should not push the cart if younger children are riding in it and should not be allowed to ride on the outside of the cart, as this could cause the cart to tip over.

 Use a shopping cart cover

Shopping cart covers help protect kids in two ways. First, they cover the seat and bar of the shopping cart which protects from germs and provides some padding, making the ride more comfortable. Secondly, some covers provide extra safety straps to provide a more secure ride. There are numerous covers available in a wide variety of styles and designs so you may want to shop around to find the best one for your child’s needs. Some even have toys attached to the cover to provide entertainment during the trip through the grocery store. When shopping for a cart cover, make sure it is large enough to fit over the child seat and bar of the shopping carts you most often use and check whether or not it has its own straps to restrain the child or if you have to use the straps on the cart.

Engage your child in the shopping experience

If your child feels included while shopping, he may be more likely to sit safely in the cart through the whole trip. Talk with him about the choices of products you are buying. Let him help pick out some of the items, if he’s old enough and talk about what you will use the items for at home. If your child is old enough, let her help you read the grocery list and check off items as they are put in the cart. Or she can hold a calculator and add up the cost of your purchases. Even toddlers can be involved by using a list with pictures instead of words or using a cheap calculator and let them pretend to add up purchases. Keeping your child involved and entertained can not only make your shopping trip safer, but also more enjoyable for you both.

 Use these tips to protect your child from shopping cart falls and injuries every time you shop!

“Best of” Back-to-School Health and Safety Tips 2009: Part II

If you are a parent or someone who takes care of kids in any way, shape or form (which I’m guessing you are if you’re reading this) there are three words that have dominated your world for the past couple of weeks: “back to school”.  It is likely that you have not spent a day, opened a newspaper or a journal or gone to the sites you typically visit on the internet and not seen these words staring back at you in an article telling you: “How can you best prepare your kids”, “The 101 things you should know before sending your kids back to school …” etc.  Sometimes it seem like there are a million articles…by a million experts. Unfortunately, with so much information it can be a bit overwhelming at times, when all we really want is someone to give us the answer to the very basic question of “what should I do to handle this particular situation.”

So for those of you who didn’t read part I, I’ve gone through all my sources and created a “best of” health and safety tips across all the expert information I’ve found, in the hopes that it will save everyone a little time that they could be otherwise be using to get 5 more minutes (or 1 extra hug) in with their kids before they head off to school. (*Please note: as with yesterday, I am sourcing other author’s tips and will cite all references below – all copyrights, credit and thanks belong to them)

Heading to School:

Waiting for the Bus:

• Arrive at the stop at least five minutes before the bus arrives and stay out of the street while waiting for the bus to arrive
• Wait on the same side of the street as the school bus loading/unloading zone
• Look before stepping into the street to make sure there are no cars passing the bus
• Cross the street at least 10 feet (or 10 giant steps) in front of the bus to make sure drivers can see them. Drivers have a blind spot of 10 feet in front of the bus.
• Wait until the bus comes to a complete stop before exiting and exit from the front of the bus.
• Ask the bus driver for help if anything is dropped while entering or exiting the bus.

While on the bus:

• Remain seated, forward facing at all times and keep the aisles clear.
• Do not shout or distract the driver unnecessarily – this includes throwing things
• Keep heads and arms inside the bus at all times. Parents should also make sure that they remove loose drawstrings or ties on jackets and sweatshirts that can snag on bus handrails, and replace with Velcro, snaps or buttons.

Walking to school:

• It’s recommended that children under ten never cross the street alone – additionally:
• Choose the safest route and walk it with children.
• Instruct children to recognize and obey all traffic signals and markings.
• Make sure children look in all directions before crossing the street and teach them to never dart out into traffic.
• Direct children to not to enter the street from between parked cars or from behind bushes or shrubs – teach them to cross at a corner or crosswalk.
• Warn children to be extra alert in bad weather
• A bright colored jacket might make your child more visible to traffic.
• In neighborhoods with higher levels of traffic, consider starting a “walking school bus,” in which an adult accompanies a group of neighborhood children walking to school

Riding a bike to school:

• Always wear a bicycle helmet, no matter how short or long the ride.
• Know the “rules of the road”: Ride on the right, in the same direction as auto traffic, use appropriate hand signals and respect traffic lights and stop signs.
• Wear bright color clothing to increase visibility.
• Do not allow children to ride on the road without direct adult supervision until age ten.

Btw – Here’s a great brochure by the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration (NHTSA) that uses graphics and humor to teach little kids how to be safe on their way to school

During the School Day:

Eating during the day:

• Many schools regularly send schedules of cafeteria menus home. This gives you the option of packing lunch on the days when you, or your child, don’t like the meal served.
• Try to get your child’s school to stock healthy choices such as fresh fruit, low-fat dairy products, water and 100 percent fruit juice in the vending machines. Each 12-ounce soft drink contains approximately 10 teaspoons of sugar and 150 calories. Just one can of soda a day increases a child’s risk of obesity by 60%.

Bullying:

• Today, unfortunately bullying occurs in many different forms and can sometimes be difficult to recognize.  The American Academy of Pediatrics has detailed guidelines on managing bullying from the perspective of the child being bullied, the child who is the bully and the bystander. Across all 3 categories, what is consistent is involving a parent or another adult to develop a proactive solution. Rather than try and abbreviate this section, if this is an issue for your child, well documented and excellent guidelines can be sourced here

Keeping them safe at school:

• Ask your child about safety in his or her school. Where do they feel most safe? Least safe? Why?
• Identify comfort levels and methods for reporting safety concerns. Do students have at least one adult and/or method they would feel comfortable in reporting safety concerns to at school?
• Examine access to your school. Are there a reduced number of doors that can be accessed from the outside (while still allowing children to exit from the inside in an emergency)? Do faculty know who is in their school?
• Determine if your school has a school safety team, safety plan and ongoing process, as well as a school crisis team and school emergency/crisis preparedness guidelines. Are these plans and guidelines reviewed regularly – at least once a year? If so, do the students, school employees and parents know about them? Are they tested and exercised?
• Do school officials have meaningful, working relationships with police, fire and other public safety agencies serving their schools? Do they have direct input on school safety plans?
• Finally 5 excellent questions that your schools crisis mgmt team should know the answer to – if not, get involved (same author):
  1. How do you dial 9-1-1 from the school phones? Do you need to get an outside line first?
  2. What is the actual street address of the school if asked by a 9-1-1 dispatcher?
  3. If your schools nearby walking evacuation site is a community church, does someone have the keys to get in if no one from the church is there when you arrive?
  4. How long does it really take to mobilize your school bus drivers in the middle of the day if you need to evacuate multiple buildings (e.g. half the school +)?
  5. Have you ever trained students NOT to open doors to people on the outside trying to get into the school?

After School:

Getting home safe and staying that way :

• Make sure your child walks home with a group of friends or a responsible adult.
• Make sure to have an adult at the bus stop after school to make sure the kids get home safely.
• Make a code word that will be used when someone else they do not know will pick them up. Every time you have someone pick your child up from school they have to know your secret code word or you child will not get in the vehicle.
• Let them know that if an adult makes them feel uncomfortable or is following them have them call 911 and go back to school, to the police, or to a friend’s home as quick as possible. They need to find a safe place.
• If they are going to be alone in the afternoons, teach them to go straight home, keep doors locked and not answer the door for anyone.
• Finally, remind them never give out personal information to strangers or on the Internet.

So folks, I know it was a long list, but I hope it’s one you’ll find useful. Until next time keep them healthy, keep them safe…and remember we’ll keep doing our best to help you do both, because one ouch is definitely too many

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As we did yesterday, sending out thanks and recognition to some very smart folks for some really terrific advice:

1. Waiting for the Bus, While on the bus, Walking to school and bullet # 4 of Riding a bike to school: (Parents Need to Talk to Children About Safety When Sending Them Back to School, Susan Laurence of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center July 24, 2009)
2. Riding a bike to school, Eating during the day, Bullying, and bullet # 8 of Walking to school: (Back to School Tips: American Academy of Pediatrics 2009)
3. Keeping them safe at school: (Parents & School Safety – Can you Prevent Another Tragedy? How Safe is Your Child’s School: by Ken Trump president of National School Safety & Security Svces and 25+ years of school safety experience)
4. Getting home safe and staying that way : (Children’s safety tips to remember for back to school: Melina Ann Collison, St Louis Crime Examiner, July 27, 2009)
5. bullet # 5 of Getting home safe and staying that way : (ADT Safety Tips: Back-to-School Safety, Aug 10, 2009: Patrick Fiel, public safety advisor for ADT Security and former head of security for Washington DC Public Schools)

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